LB interviewed in Santa Barbara News-Press

Yes, that's right. I was one of several Santa Barbarians interviewed on how we use Twitter for business and pleasure.

Great article, which unfortunately is behind a pay wall, so I won't be posting a link here. And I don't yet have permission to reprint on my site. Will let you know when that happens. Here it is!

In the meantime, check out the whole TwitPic of the front page of the Life section. I've never been so huge before -- literally!

Nearly perfect

I enjoyed this post by Laurie Foley on "Tasting the Nearly Perfect Sauce," as it reminds me of a lot of our expectations for ourselves as speakers. We must be perfect, we must not make a mistake, we must not let the audience see any flaws, or we will fail.

Here's an excerpt from Laurie's post:

"And suddenly the conversation is much more sparkly. We’re all laughing. Even though there's Jack Daniels in the sauce, there's not enough to really explain the laughing. We're all dipping into Mr. B's sauce, making sounds of gustatory delight, and admiring how he calls it "nearly perfect." Because it is. We're talking about what the nearly perfect amount of sauce to use is and what the nearly perfect ingredient must be. Our family dinner becomes nearly perfect."

Read this post about how the "nearly perfect sauce" changed attitudes in an instant. Think about how, instead of stressing out about being "perfect" (and anyway, there's no such thing), you might start seeing how "nearly perfect" you are!

Careful... your facade is cracking

I was thinking yesterday about how people who cling to their youth by covering up their gray, surgically smoothing their wrinkles and buying implants (hair or body), are actually the least youthful people I know.

Youthfulness comes from the inside, and no matter how hard you try to capture it in your appearance, if you don't have it in spirit, you don't have it.

People who are obsessed with recapturing their youth are living in fear and dread of being old. Fear and dread are the farthest thing from the carefree attitude of youth.

I'm writing this because, when you try too hard to be something you're not, it's never believable. You can never be the next [insert famous motivational speaker here] because only that person has had the experiences that have made him who he is. Sure, you can copy his mannerisms and speech patterns, but that doesn't make you him.

Do you copy a favorite speaker's cadence or movements?

Is your enthusiasm forced?

Are your jokes and humor someone else's?

Do you move and speak the way you were told to do in a class somewhere?

Drop the facade. It's fake, it's phony, and it's painful for the audience to watch.

If you really want to connect with people so your message resonates and sticks with them long after you're gone, you have to be real.

Note: You can get away with a lot at your Toastmasters club that you can't get away with in the real world. Be careful about creating a stagey persona that works okay for a memorized 7-minute speech among a supportive audience, but will not work for an hour-long presentation among people who don't know you or care about you personally.

Clinging to a fake persona is like clinging to an outward appearance of youthfulness and vigor. You know deep inside that it's not you. You fear being revealed as a phony. It takes so much time and effort to keep up with the pretense... and you know you can't keep it up forever.

Let it go. Let go of the false belief that led you to this place, belief that there's a way you're "supposed" to look and act to be accepted and successful.

Be you. There's nothing to hide, nothing to be revealed, nothing to pretend. It's freeing. There's no weight on your shoulders.

What are you afraid of?

More of my favorite posts on being yourself and embracing your uniqueness:

What makes you unique?

Everyone's an original

Falling in love with the real you

Who would listen to me?

Who are you trying to be?

He's no Barack Obama

Vote for Speak Schmeak in Best Coaching Blogs contest

The School of Coaching Mastery is holding a contest for the best coaching blogs, and I would be so grateful for your vote! Right now I appear to be in 4th place, but voting goes until the end of June and my fortunes can change at any moment!

You can also leave a comment below my blog blurb on the site, and the comments also help in the final tally. Winners get a write-up on their site and bragging rights. :-)

Thanks for your support, friends!

Practice like you mean it

While I was working out at the track the other day, football practice was in session on the field. I had the perfect vantage point to watch these young men run drill after drill, over and over, with constant adjustments from the coaches.

Here are some tips for you on practicing your presentation, based on the effort I witnessed on the field.

1. Practice right

What's the point of practicing if you're practicing the same mistakes over and over? Get some feedback, either through videotape, a trusted friend, or a coach, and work on practicing your presentations without ingraining your bad habits.

2. Practice as though you're in the game

These young men were running passing drills with the speed, focus and intensity you would see in a game. The quarterbacks blocked imaginary defenders (or sometimes the coach), ran their pattern and passed to the receivers, who on their side of the field were running their butts off to make it to the ball.

When you practice your presentation, practice as though you're in front of the audience. Try out your humor; speak with the emotion and passion you will demonstrate "in real life." When you practice it, it becomes natural and comfortable for you, and the audience can feel your enthusiasm.

3. Practice the details

The football drills were detailed and the players practiced specific patterns. The coach would stop them to point out body position, angles, footwork or passing techniques. Every detail and every second matters in sports, and in presenting.

Practice making eye contact. Practice using your props and flip charts. Practice using your remote device if using slides. Practice using your timer. If you'll be recording yourself, practice with the microphone and recorder so they won't distract you on the day. Pay attention to the details. Details count.

If these guys play like they practice, they've got nothing to worry about -- and neither will you!

Tea-ed off: Knowing when to leaf well enough alone

Thank you for all your suggestions! The contest is closed. (Leave your best title for this post in the comments, along with your comments on the post, of course. Best title wins a copy of my e-course! Deadline 5/29.)

Hubby and I stopped into a new tea shop in town the other day. We've been to other locations of this chain and wanted to see what their new shop was like here. It was opening weekend, and for a tiny shop, they had about ten staff on the floor!

As we walked in the door, we were met by two employees offering samples of tea. We each took a cup, thanked them and moved on. We were followed by one employee who immediately went to the next teapot and said, "Do you want to try the rarest tea in the world?" Before I was even able to answer, she went on.

"Antioxidants... healthy... good for complexion... make a face mask when you're done drinking it... blah blah blah."

I didn't get half of what she said, because she was bombarding me with one piece of information after another. She continued to follow me, telling me about products, until I found a moment to interject and tell her I didn't need any help.

Here's the thing. Hubby and I are quite knowledgeable about tea. Hubby is in the specialty foods industry and has been working with tea and tea vendors for many years. We are both certified by the Specialty Tea Institute and have been planning on opening a tea shop ourselves for some time. Rarest tea in the world? I can think of ten teas that are more rare than the one she showed me.

When I made my way to the tea counter, there she was again! She asked me if she could tell me about any teas, and then immediately opened a canister and started waving the lid in my face so I could smell the tea.

Did it occur to this woman to ask us if we were even tea drinkers? Did it occur to her to ask us if we had been in their store before? Or to ask us what kinds of teas we like?

No, and I was immediately turned off.

Just like your audience is when you don't make an effort to find out what they care about.

I understand how exciting it is to want to share your information. To you, it is the most fascinating thing in the world. You want everyone to know what you know!

However, what is interesting to you is not necessarily what's interesting or valuable to your audience, and if you don't find out what that is, you will turn off a lot of people.

I couldn't wait to get out of the store. I didn't want to buy anything and I don't feel at the moment like I would bother going back.

Don't assume you know what they want or what they already know. Ask. Get to know them. Be sensitive to their needs and concerns. Be interested in them and don't just focus on pushing your own agenda.

Share your story about a pushy salesperson (or speaker...)! And don't forget to submit a title for this post!

Slides are not handouts

I have to share this blog post by Laura Bergells at Maniactive because, while I've said something similar so many times, I could never say it as well as she does!

Your PowerPoint is not your presentation. No matter how many times we reiterate this, there's always someone who wants a copy or a conference who requires it as a handout. Here's an excerpt from Laura's article on her perspective:

"Seriously. Be a polite audience member. Never, ever ask a presenter for his or her presentation. (Not unless the presenter offers it to the audience as a download or CD or print out first. I sometimes do this after a 6 month run.)

If you like my presentation, I'm flattered. Really.

But my PowerPoint slides are usually props for my speech.

Would you go up to a juggler and ask, 'Neat act! May I have your balls?'"

Read the whole post here.

Analogies ... American Idol-style

Another season of American Idol has ended, along with Simon Cowell's endless creative analogies to describe how poorly each contestant has performed.

Here are some examples:

"It sounds like a cat jumping off the empire state building."

"You remind me of someone, when you're at a party and someone has had a few drinks, right at the end attempts to sing something and then you're thrown out of the house."

"That was exactly identical to a nightmare I had last week."

"Using the boxing analogy, it was a bit of a lightweight I thought.”

"It was a bit like someone singing in their bedroom."

"That last note … it was like watching a horror movie."

"It sounded like something you'd hear on a cruise ship [or at a wedding, or in a karaoke bar, etc.]."

"It was rather like eating ice for lunch — it will leave you with nothing to remember afterwards."

"My pen has got more charisma."

Oftentimes, Simon's analogies are meaningful only to him. His analogies clearly refer to experiences he's had, but which might not mean anything to the audience.

If you're going to use analogies in public speaking, and you should, make sure that they're universal enough for the audience to get them. Because an analogy is meant to help your audience relate to your point, if they don't get the analogy, they won't get the point either.

Keep using analogies, but only if they mean something!

Here are some of my favorite Speak Schmeak analogies.

Thank you, Paul Yerrick, for the unbelievably perfect photo.

Five more tips for successful networking

Yesterday I was helping a client prepare for a networking event, and as many of us do, she expressed anxiety about not knowing anyone there.

Furthermore, she felt that she wouldn't fit in with this group of executives and business people because she's from the nonprofit sector. She believed that nonprofit representatives are always perceived with their hands out looking for sponsors and donors, and that she was somehow inferior to the well-known philanthropists and business people who would be at this event.

She thought she would have nothing to talk to them about, and that their eyes would glaze over when she told them about her organization.

My first thought was, "Whoa, Nelly!" Back up a step here.

1. The grass is always greener

I reminded her that many people wish they were doing more meaningful work. There are probably quite a few executives that she'll meet who wish they could give more time to volunteering for their favorite causes. She's in a position to contribute to the community every day, to focus on her passion for making the world a better place. How lucky is she to do that for a living?

2. Everyone has something to offer

Just because she's not a high-powered executive doesn't mean she has nothing to offer. I suggested that she see herself as a resource, as someone who's there to help and to give, whether it's sharing her favorite business book or her favorite dry cleaner. She can always be thinking of ways to be helpful, no matter which direction the conversation goes.

3. You don't have to talk about yourself

Regarding her concern about eyes glazing over, yes, she will have to talk about what she does when she introduces herself. But beyond that, she should have several ideas of questions she can ask and topics to bring up that focus on the other person. It's more important to be interested in the people she meets than to make them interested in her.

The more she focuses on the other, the more memorable she'll be as someone who's friendly, approachable and a good listener! And she'll build relationships in the process.

4. Don't assume everyone else is comfortable and confident

She assumes that she's the only one in the room who's nervous, but just because someone appears confident doesn't mean they are confident. Realize that most people are in the same boat and feel uncomfortable meeting new people.

One way to make this easier is to find someone else who appears to be alone, and act as a host by introducing herself and striking up a conversation. If they really are alone, they will appreciate the outreach. If they're not alone, soon there will be additional people joining the group for her to meet.

5. Don't assume the other person holds all the cards

I shared this story with her:

I went to a private school for my last two years of high school. I was a day student, a group that made up only about 10% of the whole population. We felt that the boarding students looked down on us because we didn't live at the school and we paid less to go there. We assumed they thought less of us because we weren't as "legit" as they were.

Several years after I graduated, I happened to run into a classmate and we got into a conversation. He told me that the boarding students always thought the day students were snobby, because we had cars and could come and go whenever we wanted, while the boarding students were restricted to campus except for days off. They felt that we were lucky to live at home while attending the school and that somehow we felt superior to them because of these advantages.

My jaw dropped. All this time, I had seen my population as the underdog, in the less-desirable position, when in reality, they saw themselves the same way.

Don't assume that you're the underdog in the story. The other person may very well feel that you have an advantage over them. Another example of the grass being greener on the other side of the fence: Maybe you actually have something the other person wishes they had.

Approach networking as an opportunity to give, to share, to build relationships, and don't worry so much about who's more important than whom, who's more famous than whom, or who's got more than whom. Everyone has something to offer, everyone brings value to the table. Go. Meet. Enjoy!

Here's the original "Five favorite networking tips" post.

Can public speaking skills be harmful?

"I really can't think of anyone whose life and/or career has taken a turn for the worst after working on their communication and presentation skills." ~ Reginald Braithwaite

Reginald and I are not related, but he does have a rather catchy last name. This was a comment he made to me while chatting on Facebook, and it stood out to me as being especially profound.

I'm sure that, if you really want to play devil's advocate, you can think of some reasons why developing communication and presentation skills could harm you, but let's be realistic.

Communication skills aren't just important in the workplace; they're valuable in all relationships and in all situations. Communication skills aren't just about being heard and getting your message across. Communication skills are also about knowing how to listen to others and hear them as well.

Communication is a two-way street. It involves expressing yourself and your point of view, and it also involves making sure you understand another person by clarifying what you've heard them say and making sure you're getting it right.

Presentation skills, as well, are not just for the workplace. How do you illustrate your ideas? How do you engage others in conversation and maintain their interest while also showing interest in them? How do you use stories and demonstrations to communicate your points more vividly? Do you look people in the eye and project a confident persona?

Can you imagine these skills not being helpful in your life or work?

When people say "I hate public speaking," they are considering a very narrow application.

Hating public speaking is like saying, "I hate communicating," because public speaking skills encompass every kind of communication and interaction we use on a daily basis.

Could your life and work improve if you improved your communication and presentation skills? How?

Need to update my website....

Should I keep the about page and the bio page, or....

Speak Schmeak for the Kindle!

Are you a Kindle user, on the go and no time to sit down at the computer to dig through your feed reader?

Well, now you can read Speak Schmeak right on your Kindle!

From Amazon.com:

"Kindle Blogs are auto-delivered wirelessly to the Kindle and updated throughout the day. They are fully downloaded onto your Kindle so you can read them even when you're not wirelessly connected. And unlike RSS readers which often only provide headlines, blogs on Kindle contain full text content and most images."

Subscribe here!

(And if you're a fan of Speak Schmeak, I'd love it if you would post a brief review on the Kindle page, to encourage new subscribers. Thanks!)

What's your audience's culture?

Yesterday I had the great pleasure of speaking to the Santa Barbara Associates, an "old-boys' club for women" that was started almost 30 years ago as a place for women business owners and executives to network and socialize with like-minded members.

Before the speaking engagement, I exchanged several e-mails with the organizer, to discern what their interests were in regard to public speaking and to make sure I was able to view the room setup in advance. I was thrilled to be asked to present on one of my favorite topics: engaging the audience.

One thing you can ask about beforehand is the group culture. It helps to know if a group has a good sense of humor, if they're quiet or boisterous, if they're stodgy or laid-back. Meeting members of the group can help with this, but asking the question up front will give you a better answer.

Having not asked this question (oops), but having met several members of the group in advance, surveyed their website, and knowing the woman who recommended me (a fellow member of another networking group I'm in), I felt confident but not 100% sure about the group culture.

Lunch was served before my talk, so I had the opportunity to meet and converse with several more members of the group.

My opening involved a Barbie doll in a neon yellow animal-print ensemble from the 80s -- complete with shoulder pads. So far, so good! The women were engaged, asking questions, participating, and generally being a great audience.

But what really made my day and revealed a little more of the group's culture was when Calla, a jewelry designer and fellow networking group member, had the occasion to mention her "boobs." There wasn't a single embarrassed or disappointed facial expression. There was no awkward moment. The group, women ranging in age from their 40s to their 70s, in business suits, bold sweaters and glamorous jewelry, demonstrated their high spirits and positive energy with a hearty laugh.

I learned a lot about the audience through their reaction to this one tiny word. I never would have offered it myself, of course, but to observe them in their "natural habitat" where they meet regularly and feel comfortable with each other was priceless, and showed me a lot about the culture and spirit of the group.

Not only did I enjoy speaking to this group, I might consider joining!

Fueling your presentation

Last week I had a workshop from 4:00 to 6:00 p.m. I ate lunch a little late that day, and because of the heat, didn't feel like cooking, so I made a fruit smoothie with nuts and protein powder and I made some egg salad. Couldn't even be bothered to put the egg salad on bread; just ate it right out of the bowl.

I was a little concerned that I would get hungry in the middle of my workshop, as I usually have a snack between 3:00 and 5:00 -- and basically, I'm always hungry!

So I was surprised to find myself wrapping up at 6:00, feeling good and not starving yet! I put out a lot of energy in a presentation, and if I don't eat well beforehand, I will actually get lightheaded by the end.

I've been invited to speak at another event this week, and even though the presentation is short, I'm already thinking about fuel. It's a lunch meeting, and when I mentioned that I'm a vegetarian I was assured that there are salads on the menu, but that is a little frightening to me, as a salad doesn't provide much energy unless it's got lots of veggies, beans, etc. So I'm planning to eat before I go, just to be safe.

It occurred to me that we don't usually talk about one of the most basic aspects of presenting: the physical energy we need to get through a long presentation or workshop.

If you're doing it right, you're giving 100%. As Tom Peters says in this video, "If I ever finish a speech and I can still stand up, then it was a lousy speech."

I agree with Tom in principle, but we do still want to be standing at the end of our presentations, because it just wouldn't look good to collapse every time. What are you doing to fuel yourself properly before you speak?

Is this something you take into account as part of your preparation? Are you aware of what your energy needs are? I'm not going to presume to give dietary advice on this blog; what I'm talking about today is awareness and realizing your own energy needs so you don't bonk during a presentation.

Creating your presentation is just one tiny part of the overall preparation necessary to be effective. I've written before about physical and mental preparation; eating and hydrating well is part of that.

What and when do you eat before a presentation so you can be at your best?

For more on the effects of food and drink, download my free handout, "Foods and Drinks to Avoid Before Speaking."

"Don't ever change"

How many people wrote that in your high school yearbooks? I would have to say that I probably have ten signatures each year from people who said that exact same thing. Cliché or not, it's a great suggestion!

I enjoyed this post by TJ Walker a while back and I thought I'd share it with you.

Are you concerned about your voice, your lack of polish, your lisp, your fillers, your personal style? Take a lesson from Rachel Ray and Brian Williams. As TJ says, "If you have interesting things to say and you say it with passion, you too could be the next Rachel Ray, or, speaking of awful voices, Barbara Walters."

More posts on being yourself, embracing your uniqueness and gaining confidence:

What makes you unique?

Everyone's an original

Falling in love with the real you

Who would listen to me?

Who are you trying to be?

He's no Barack Obama

Same material, different group

I got a question in my workshop yesterday from a student who has been invited to speak at two different banquets for two different groups of people, and he wondered if he could use the same material for both.

We never want to give a canned speech; that is, a speech that you wrote once and continue to deliver exactly the same as it was written to every group you speak to. However, having good base content that you can tweak and customize is a great idea.

Most of us who speak on a regular basis have a couple of standard topics we speak on. There's no need to reinvent the wheel each time we go out. However, it's important to learn about the groups you're speaking to so you can make sure your content is applicable to them and fits their culture, needs and interests.

So yes, use the same speech or presentation, but make sure that you're taking the time to tailor it to each group with specific references, personalized humor, and appropriate exercises and activities.

Perception or reality?

Can they hear your voice quiver?

Are you dry and boring?

Do you lack persuasive skills?

Do they see your hands shaking?

Are you unable to get your point across?

How do you know?

These are all fearful comments I've heard from my clients and audience members, comments that reveal a perception about themselves that may or may not be true.

When we're nervous, we may experience physical symptoms, but does the audience notice?

We may feel that we're not getting through to the audience, because we don't get the response we expect, but does that mean we're not connecting?

This is another situation where videotaping, audio recording and/or asking for honest feedback through evaluations will help you understand how you're really coming across.

My clients have been shocked to observe their videos and realize that the hand shaking or voice quivering was not noticeable at all! They had been building up anxiety about their performance based on their own feelings and perceptions, but not based at all on how the audience really sees them. Adding some relaxation techniques to their preparation rituals helped the physical symptoms, but more importantly, they could move on to more important skill-building.

Once you get a sense of how you're really perceived by the audience, you can focus on the skills that you need to build rather than the imaginary flaws that aren't actually standing in your way.

Having a clear and honest perception of yourself removes doubt and anxiety and allows confidence to grow!

Don't miss a chance to be memorable

At the World Tea Expo this weekend, there was a competition to create the best cocktail containing tea.

The 13 contestants, finalists chosen through online voting, prepared their drinks live onstage. One of the main rules of the competition was, "Recipes must be applicable in the marketplace, meaning recipes must be able to be realistically prepared and served in a foodservice establishment (tea room, restaurant, bar, etc.)."

Each contestant had two minutes to prepare the drink, and then was interviewed about their concoction before the final judging. Out of 13 contestants, only one was prepared to talk about her drink as it applied to the marketplace.

I found this rather shocking, as this competition was about showcasing not only a special drink, but promoting the contestants' businesses! Every contestant was either a tea company or a retailer. Either way, the winner ends up with features in Food and Beverage magazine and Imbibe magazine, as well as being published in an upcoming book. It was the perfect opportunity to pitch the drink, their product, and describe how it would fit into a tea room, restaurant or bar.

When the Hale Tea Company contestant started talking about her drink, the audience sat up and paid attention. She had a convincing pitch about her cocktail and its marketability that wowed the crowd.

Unfortunately, she didn't win, but I guarantee that the audience members (many of whom are her target market) will remember her product, her drink and her pitch long after the Tea Expo ends.

Don't ever let any opportunity to speak pass you by without making the most of it. Remember, no opportunity is too small for you to shine and to be memorable.

Now I'm off to try out some tea cocktail recipes!

Lessons from a bad presentation

A client told me about a presentation he gave recently that was terrible. His client had shown up an hour and a half earlier than planned, and he hadn't had time yet to go over the material, a presentation book he uses that had recently been rearranged and redesigned. He felt lost, couldn't follow the layout of the book, and stumbled through the best he could.

I wrote about two presentations I gave in the past two years that I didn't feel were up to my standards. One was a speaking engagement that I probably never should have taken in the first place; the other was an engagement where I was just "off" for some reason that day.

But there is a common theme between all three of the above mentioned presentations: Preparation. Or more correctly, lack of preparation.

Had my client looked over the presentation book when it was produced, instead of his usual plan of looking at it half an hour before the meeting, he would already have been familiar with the new layout.

Had I not tried to include so much new material into a presentation when I didn't have the time to practice it, my presentation last June would have gone much smoother.

Even the one two years ago, where I just felt "off," would have benefited from more practice, especially practicing the new material I had added.

I preach preparation all the time. It's the lack of this one key ingredient that keeps speakers from moving forward successfully. Rushing to put together a presentation days before it's due; creating the presentation in PowerPoint, then using the PowerPoint as your notes because you don't "have time" to practice; or worse, having your boss order you to give a presentation when you haven't even looked at the material... these are all paths to failure. Or if not failure, mediocrity.

And yet, even though preparation is my mantra, there have been times when I wasn't properly prepared, and my workshops suffered.

What's done is done, and we can't go back and repair what went wrong, but we can learn from it.

When you give a presentation that's just so-so (and you know it when it happens!) don't forget to analyze what happened. I don't mean that you should dwell on the mistakes and feel sorry for yourself, although I've done that before.

I mean that you should look at your method of preparation to see where you might improve next time, because I guarantee that your preparation was not thorough enough.

You need to make a change. You need to commit to thorough preparation. You need to give yourself enough time to think it all through, construct it well, practice it completely and really be ready when it's time to present.

If you want to get to the next level and you're always throwing together your presentations at the last minute, forget it. It's not going to happen.

Lose weight and improve your speaking skills!

I have several friends who struggle with their weight. Actually, "struggle" isn't the right word. "Struggle" implies that they're actually doing something to combat the weight problem. They complain a lot and make a halfhearted effort now and then, but I wouldn't consider that a strategy.

Complaining vs. taking action. One is clearly the better choice if you really want something to happen.

Do you complain about how much you hate public speaking and how terrible you are at it? What's the last action you took to try to improve?

Wishful thinking doesn't help you lose weight, nor does it make you a better speaker. You might make a halfhearted effort by taking a walk now and then or by having salad instead of french fries with your Big Mac, but that's not progress that will have a long-term effect.

Same with speaking. You can keep practicing, but if you practice the same mistakes over and over, you're not improving. If you keep throwing your presentation together days before it's due, you're not improving. If you read articles and books about public speaking and think that, by osmosis, you will get better but you never actually implement what you learn, you're not improving.

Losing weight in a healthy way for the long term takes discipline, motivation, changes to your diet and exercise habits, and a new way of thinking about your lifestyle and your body.

Becoming a better speaker takes discipline, motivation, changing the way you think about your habits, challenges and strengths, asking for honest feedback, and implementing what you learn.

Are you willing to step it up and do more than complain?