What a year for a new year

One of my favorite holiday songs is Dan Wilson's "What a Year For a New Year" The song says that, even when times are rough, the new year or even the new day is a welcome restart.

I wish for you the chance to start fresh, make new dreams, new friends, and new opportunities in the new year. I wish for you the determination, strength and courage to let go of what's not working for you and reach out for something better and more meaningful.

I wish you all the best in 2010. You deserve it!



What a year for a new year
We need it like we needed life I guess
Last one left us lying in a mess
What a year for a new year

What a night for a sunrise
And we thought the dark would never end
Reaching out to try to find a friend
What a night for a sunrise
Sunrise

What a day for new day
And our star shines like a miracle
And our world is almost beautiful again
What a day for a new day
New day

What a year for a new year

What a night for a sunrise
And we thought the dark would never end
Reaching out to try to find a friend
What a night for a sunrise
Sunrise

Soon we’ll be lying in our beds
And new dreams will fill our heads
And the old ones will be ended
Hope we’ll forget about this place
Let it go without a trace
Wipe the teardrops from our faces
Oh! What a year for a new year!

Doodling can help your audience concentrate

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"You know you're bored when you start shading in the squares of your notebook. Apparently it's a habit that could be helping you to concentrate."

In a recent article on the BPS Research Digest blog, a study is described in which subjects were asked to listen to a dull phone message, without memorizing it, and then write down some details from the message. Half of the partcipants were asked to doodle while listening, by shading in squares and circles on their note paper.

"Afterwards, the doodlers had noted fractionally more of the correct names (7.8 on average vs. 7.1 - a statistically significant difference). What's more, moments later, the doodlers also excelled in a surprise memory test of the guests' names and the places mentioned in the message, recalling 29 per cent more details than the non-doodlers."

More research needs to be done into how and why the brain behaves this way, but it backs up anecdotal evidence that "secondary tasks aren't always a distraction from primary tasks, but can sometimes actually be beneficial." Read the full article here.

So remember, when you notice that guy in your presentation who never looks up from his Blackberry, he might be remembering what you said better than the woman next to him!

Here are two previous posts that touch on the same subject:

Is your audience paying attention?

Reading your audience

And here's a post on how toys are helpful to participants:


Toys and candy, a speaker's best friend

How the Grinch Spoke at Christmas - adapted by John Zimmer

Huge thanks to John Zimmer for his creativity and brilliance in revising this classic for us speakers. View it on his site for the accompanying images.

How the Grinch Spoke at Christmas

Every Who down in Who-ville liked Christmas speeches a lot,

But the Grinch, who lived just North of Who-ville, did not!

The Grinch hated speeches! The whole speaking profession!

Now, please do not ask just what caused his aggression.


It could be that most speakers read from their notes,

Or came unprepared, or just bleated like goats.

But I think that the thing that did most disappoint,

Was that most every speaker abused PowerPoint.


But whether the goats or the Points lit his fuse,

He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Whos,

Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown

At the warm lighted stage down below in their town.


For he knew the Who speakers, yes every one each,

Was priming himself for his Who Christmas speech.

“And they’re making their edits!” he snarled with a sneer.

“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”


Just the thought of those speeches he found so mind numbing,

“I must keep those Who Christmas speeches from coming!”

“For, tomorrow, I know, like the turn of a page,

“The Whos will wake up and they’ll rush for stage!”


“And then they will speak with such tact and such poise.

“And with wireless mikes, all the NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!”

“Then the Whos, young and old, will sit down for a chat.

“And they’ll chat about this and they’ll chat about that.

“And they’ll chat and they’ll chat and they’ll chat, chat, chat, chat!”


“They’ll chat about topics and subjects and things,

“And Santa and Frosty and five golden rings.”

“They’ll chat about issues, a great verbal feast.

“A verbal feast is the thing I can’t stand in the least!”


“And then they’ll do something I hate most of all!

“Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,

“Will stand close together, the squat and the lank,

“They’ll stand hand-in-hand. And the speakers they’ll thank!”


“They’ll thank! And they’ll thank! Oh the praises they’ll sing.”

And the more the Grinch thought of the Who’s Praising Sing,

The more the Grinch thought, “I must stop this whole thing!”


“Why for fifty-three years I’ve put up with it now!

“I must stop those speeches from coming! But how?”

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!

THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!


“I know just what to do!” the Grinch laughed with a hoot.

“I’ll make a professional speaker-type suit.”

And he sewed up some cloth with some threads on some bobbins.

“With this coat and this tie, I’ll look like Tony Robbins!”

Then the Grinch climbed his sleigh, and the sleigh started down

Toward the homes where the Whos lay a-snooze in their town.

The stage was all dark. All the Whos were in bed.

All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams about TED.


The steps to the platform he climbed inch by inch,

For if Tony could do it, then so could the Grinch.

The little Who lecterns all stood in a row.

“These lecterns,” he grinned, “are the first things to go!”


Then he slithered and slunk, on his Stop-Speech-Crusade,

Around the whole stage, he took each speaking aid!

Flip charts and handouts back from the print shop.

Markers and Post-Its and all of the props!


And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, with a grin,

Took the bags to his sleigh and he stuffed them all in.

And then he returned and he took down the lights!

He took down the prompters! He took all the mikes!


He cleaned out that stage from the bottom straight up.

Why, that Grinch even took all the water and cups.

Then he stuffed all his loot in his sleigh, the old schemer.

“And now,” said the Grinch, “I will stuff in the beamer!”


And the Grinch grabbed the beamer, and started to shove

When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.

He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who!

Little Cindy-Lou Who, who was not more than two.


She stared at the Grinch and said, “Tony Robbins, oh why,

“Why are you taking our beamer home? WHY?”

But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick

He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!


“Why, my sweet little tot,” the fake Tony lied,

“There’s a light on this beamer that won’t light your slides.”

“So I’m taking it home to my workshop,” he grinned.

“And I’ll fix it by ‘Awakening the Giant Within’.”

And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head

And he said, “Live with passion!” and put her to bed.

And when Cindy-Lou Who was tucked up to her chin,

He took the Whos’ beamer and stuffed it right in!


It was quarter past dawn. All the Whos, still a-bed.

All the Whos, still a-snooze when he packed up his sled.

Ten thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Crumpit,

He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!


“Pooh-pooh to the Whos!” he was grinch-ish-ly humming.

“They’re finding out no Christmas speeches are coming!

“They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!

“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two

“Then all the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry BOO-HOO!”


“That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinch, “That I simply must hear!”

So he paused. And the Grinch put a hand to his ear.

And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.

It started in low. Then it started to grow.


But the sound wasn’t sad!

Why, this sound sounded glad!


Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,

Was speaking! Without any equipment at all!

He hadn’t stopped speeches from coming! They came!

Somehow or other, they came just the same!


And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,

Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?”

“It came without PowerPoint, Keynote and more!

“It came without gifts from the Toastmasters store!”

And he puzzled and puzzed, till his puzzler was sore.

Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before!

Maybe speaking, he thought, just needs good preparation.

And delivery with heart and with full dedication.


And what happened then? Well, in Who-ville they say,

That the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day!

And then the true meaning of speaking came through,

And the Grinch found the words of ten speakers, plus two.


And now that he no longer felt his stage fright,

He whizzed down to Who-ville to put things back right.

With a smile in his soul and a speech in his mind,

He came back and left his speech hating behind.


He rode into Who-ville, no longer a looter.

He brought back their beamer and MacBook computer.

He brought back their lecterns, their curtains, their lights,

He brought back their flipcharts, exhibits and mikes.


He brought everything back for the great verbal feast.

And he … he himself … the Grinch … gave the first speech!

Hecklers, the original backchannel

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Heckler: One who tries to embarrass, harass, and/or annoy someone speaking or performing in public with gibes, questions and objections. Someone who provokes to affect a performer in a critical or negative way. (From the movie, "Heckler")

"A heckler is someone who wants to get in on the action." ~ Mike White, writer, producer, actor

"A dog will attack you if it doesn't feel like you're confident; a horse will throw you if it feels you're not in control. And hecklers will heckle when you don't have control of the room." ~ Greg Fitzsimmons, comedian, writer, producer

"A heckler's a guy ... he usually is a guy who never did anything." ~ Mike Ditka, former NFL player, coach and ESPN NFL analyst

I enjoyed the Jamie Kennedy documentary, "Heckler," especially when it dealt with the special relationship between a single person on stage and an audience member emboldened by a darkened room to criticize and even harass that performer.

Comedians, actors, directors and producers shared their experiences with and opinions of hecklers. Kennedy even sat down with a couple of his hecklers. Here's what one of them had to say:

"When you see someone just f--king up and ruining everything and you paid money to see it, don't you want to kinda say 'What the f--k are you doing?'"

This comment reminds me of what we've been seeing with some Twitter users during live conferences and how, instead of constructive criticism of the speaker, they've chosen the road of snark and insult -- protected by the anonymity of the computer. For more on the Twitter backchannel, see Olivia Mitchell's e-book "How to present with Twitter and other backchannels" and Cliff Atkinson's newly published book, "The Backchannel: How Audiences are Using Twitter and Social Media and Changing Presentations Forever.

Also, the Internet gives (unprofessional) critics the power of the heckler, again because of the beauty of anonymity and no face-to-face conflict and therefore, no consequences.

"Heckling and Internet criticism are now kind of one and the same. Actually, the Internet is even more vicious than live hecklers." ~ Kathy Griffin, comedian

Several performers gave their opinions of why hecklers heckle:

"People used to be excited by, not just celebrities, but by truly talented people. They would get excited by watching someone like a Gale Sayers run, or a Marlon Brando act. Because they would go, 'Wow, I can't do that. I could never do that.' Now it just makes people angry." ~ Patton Oswalt, comedian, writer, actor

"The heckler wants to curb the right of the speaker to be heard. It's a very important element to the heckler. Even though everybody paid or came for free to hear this person, I am the one who needs to be heard." ~ Dennis Prager, talk show host, author

"That was my problem as a critic. I spent more time trying to show how smart I was with my opinions about the way somebody looked or the way somebody dressed or what have you. I wasn't really a critic. I was a heckler. ~ Rod Lurie, filmmaker and former critic

And finally, let's talk about how performers have chosen to deal with the disturbance of hecklers. I'm purposely leaving out the ones who cuss out or fight the heckler, because in our world of speaking, that would be inappropriate 99% of the time. I did find it funny to discover that some performers have put the hecklers on stage and let them try performing. David Alan Grier had an elegant solution:

Grier: "What did you say?"
Heckler: Repeats himself.
Grier: "That's what I thought you said." Resumes routine.

"You can't control what they say, write, think, anything else [referring to critics]. So there's no use, no use trying to change it. No use trying to lose any sleep over it. Don't go through a lot of anguish over it." ~ Mike Ditka

"I saw the cover of a book that said, 'What you think of me is none of my business.' I live and breathe by that. What you out there think of me... is not my concern. I know who I am; I'm Mrs. Rodriguez' son. I'm not the best. I'm not the worst." ~ Paul Rodriguez, comedian, actor

"Welcome it as part of the process. You just can't avoid it. If you go to bat enough times, you are going to strike out. And you will do it cataclysmically. And you know, success and failure, they're just millimeters apart." ~ Peter Guber, producer

So, does this mean you have to develop a thick skin in order to deal with the critics and the hecklers?

Echoing a point made by Arianna Huffington that I wrote about a while back, Bill Maher said, "I don't think any performer of any kind has a thick skin. I don't think you can do any good work if you do. You have to be sensitive to be good, and if you're sensitive, you're also going to sometimes suffer because of that."

For more on heckling, see these posts:

Heckle schmeckle

When audience members attack

Navigating controversy

And here's a free handout on dealing with hecklers, a compilation of suggestions by readers of SpeakerNet News.

Share your thoughts on heckling and hecklers in the comments below!

It's all about action

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On Monday night, I watched the documentary on pop singer-songwriter Rufus Wainwright and the process of composing and rehearsing his first classical opera, "Prima Donna."

I so admire his ability to forge ahead into the unknown, taking his outsider love and appreciation of opera and applying it to the creation of a piece with no actual training or background in opera.

Here's a quote I posted last year during the process:

"I’m in the midst of negotiating and writing an opera, and that has always been my life-long ambition. It is really something I thought I would do years down the line, when I was fat and bearded.

But I realized that you really have to start yesterday if you want to get your dreams accomplished. It’s all about action." ~ Rufus Wainwright

Reviews of the opera were mixed; I imagine this first-timer will only improve with experience. But to me, what's important is that he got out there and did it. He didn't let his lack of training in opera define him as a composer; he got on-the-job training (as I did when I started out as a speaker). And he had a lot of help, through which he grew and learned as he wouldn't have, had he not gone forward with the project.

So I'll ask again the questions I asked the first time I posted this quote (especially pertinent as we go into a new year):

What are you waiting for?

What's holding you back?

What are you afraid of?

What are you dwelling on?

Participate in a Twitter experiment...

I received this comment from @Rey_Carr on my blog post "Tweet like you mean it," the other day:

"Your comments summarize nicely (and diplomatically) what I have learned from being on Twitter.

For the last month we've been conducting an experiment to determine how large businesses are using Twitter.

So far the results appear to reveal that most of these businesses are missing an opportunity to connect, respond, shine, or build an extended customer base. Mostly they just promote their own products; in other words they use Twitter as a promotional tool and seem little interested in engagement, consumer education, or providing quality service.

We have two more months to go in the experiment. If any of your readers are interested in taking part here's one way they can help. Mention a company (such as Best Buy, Ford, Xerox, IBM, etc) and include this hastag: #EXP2009. Then find out if the company mentioned contacts you, replies to your tweet, or in some cases retweets.

The reason we're asking to include the #EXP2009 hashtag is so it will be easy for people to track the different ways people are mentioning companies and getting or not getting any response."

Sounds like a fun experiment to participate in, and anyone can join! @Rey_Carr and @Peer_Resources can answer any questions you have if you'd like to participate.

Be my buena mano and get a special coaching package!

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"Buena mano" is a term used in the Philippines to describe the first business transaction or customer of the day. Literally meaning "good hand" in Spanish, it signifies good luck to the vendor for the rest of that day. Here's a great description of the concept of buena mano.

I'm looking for a buena mano for 2010! 2009 was a rough year for a lot of people I know, and I had my share of stress and anxiety (which I will tell you about in a couple of weeks). Why not kick off 2010 with a client who will bring me good luck all year?

As my first client of 2010, here's what you will receive:

♦ My Introductory Public Speaking Coaching Package, at 15% off (it's customary for the buena mano to receive a discount for being the first customer of the day)

♦ An audio recording of my live one-hour presentation, "Build Skills and Confidence: Public Speaking for Entrepreneurs" -- this is not for sale anywhere yet! It's an exclusive gift just for my buena mano.

♦ A copy of my e-book "101 Tips to Improve Your Public Speaking."

♦ And your choice of silly magnet from my Speak Schmeak shop!

All this goes to the first person to book me for a session in 2010. Payment must be received by January 1 to qualify as my buena mano!

Will you be my good luck charm in 2010?

5 ways to tweet like you mean it

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Twitter is like talking. It's a lot like public speaking, in fact. And it's a lot like in-person business networking.

I've been on Twitter now for a year and a half and have read lots of "etiquette" articles and "how to" articles on the proper use of Twitter. Bottom line is that you use it how it works best for you. If you want to talk about what you eat, do so, and I will probably follow you! A lot of conventional wisdom about who you should follow and why is just bunk.

However...

There are some basic considerations when you've decided to use Twitter to promote your business, and I'm going to make this simple.

If you are tweeting for business and you show up for a few minutes here and there to drop a pithy bomb, you're missing the point! Twitter is about connecting, not one-way communication. If you want measurable results from Twitter, here's the first one: You're getting results when people interact with you. If there's no interaction, you're not making much of a dent.

Here are my top five tips for common courtesy and making connections on Twitter -- and actually helping your business instead of hurting it.

(You'll notice that I'm referring to features and links on the Twitter site. If you are using TweetDeck or another desktop application and you don't know how to do these things yet, go to the site's help page or send me an e-mail and I'll help you!)

1. Reply when people talk to you.

Where you'll find @replies in new Twitter

Don't be that person who pops in, tweets a bunch of specials, sales, brilliant quotes or your latest workshop, then disappears. There's a feature called @reply -- use it!

Let's say you put an ad in the local newspaper with your latest offering. A customer calls to get more specifics. You don't pick up the phone.

Let's say you're a speaker giving a presentation. An audience member raises her hand to ask a question. You keep speaking as though she's not there.

Is that good business? Well that's what you're doing when you ignore the @reply feature in Twitter.

If you don't know where it is, look at the red arrow below (click on the image to expand it).

Where you'll find @replies in old Twitter

When you click on that link, you'll see all the people who've talked to you or about you. If you're in business, you don't want to miss these conversations.

2. Retweet the good stuff

When you get an e-mail that has valuable or interesting information (okay, sometimes it's just funny and stupid), you forward it. When someone tells you something useful and helpful, you pass it along by word of mouth. Do the same thing for your followers on Twitter.

First, you show the person you're retweeting that you're paying attention, that you respect what they have to say, and that what they have to say is worth repeating. This is a great way to build a relationship with someone.

Second, you show your followers that you value them and want to give value to them, and that it doesn't always have to come from your own brilliant mind.

If you don't know how to retweet, just copy the person's tweet into the update box and add RT and the person's @username in front. Twitter also has a retweet feature now, and when it's working, you click the "retweet" link to the right of the post.

3. Initiate conversations with people

A real-world example of the problem is perhaps a speaker giving a long lecture with no interaction. Or a person at a networking event shoving business cards into everyone's hands, but having no conversations. Or hey, maybe a filibuster.

The point is, if you have a lengthy stream of tweets where you're making lots of statements, but you're not actually talking to people directly, you're not going to be a very attractive prospect to follow. Why would someone want to follow you when you are basically talking to yourself?

Read other people's tweets and respond to them. In Twitter, you do that by clicking "reply" to the right of their tweet.

Similar to retweeting, it shows that you're paying attention to other people, that you're interested in what they have to say, and that it's not all about you. Sound familiar?

4. Ask for help and give help

One of the best ways to make connections on Twitter is to use it as a resource. Having trouble figuring out some Blogger widget? Ask for help from your followers on Twitter. Wondering where the best place is for sushi in your town? Ask your followers to help you.

You'll meet so many people this way, people who are friendly and giving. You'll meet people who have shared interests. And you'll meet people who have merely seen your conversation with someone they follow. Then do the same in return. If you see someone asking a question, can you answer it? Be a giver on Twitter. People will appreciate your assistance and you will gain a reputation for being someone worth following.

5. Get personal

You don't have to tell your deepest, darkest secrets. You don't have to mention it every time you have a cup of coffee. And you don't have to reveal anything you don't want to.

But it's okay to be yourself. It's okay to add a snippet here and there of your personal life, so you don't come across as a robot. People want to get to know you. They don't just buy your product or service, they buy you. Post a picture of your dog now and then. Share your favorite eggnog recipe. Tell us about your trip to Australia. We're interested. And if someone doesn't want to know, they'll unfollow you. It's not the end of the world.

Tweeting is like talking, it's like public speaking, it's like business networking. It's not like a filibuster and it's not about one-way communication. Make the effort to get to know your followers, and they will want to get to know you in return. And then maybe they'll even do business with you!

I would go to math class for this...

If only my teachers and professors had been creative like this. Then again, I was in school before this technology was widespread and easy to use! They had to be creative in other ways. Enjoy!



Thanks to Rowan Manahan for pointing this one out!

Public Speaking and the Holidays

If you enjoyed my post "How to Mix and Mingle Your Way Through the Dreaded Holiday Party," and you're looking for more holiday-inspired blog posts, look no further!

Angela DeFinis is graciously hosting a blog carnival with the theme "Public Speaking and the Holidays," and you'll find twelve posts (for the twelve days of Christmas, perhaps?) by my fellow public speaking bloggers on toasting, mingling, speaking off the cuff, and more holiday themed topics.

Thank you, Angela, for including me in this lovely gift to our readers!

What are your speaking skills worth to Warren Buffet?

On November 12, Warren Buffet and Bill Gates were interviewed at a town hall meeting by CNBC's Becky Quick and students from Columbia Business School. Toward the end of the meeting, the following question was asked by a student:

"What's the one thing that your MBA didn't prepare you for when you got out into the real world?"

Warren Buffett replied:

"Right now I would pay $100,000 for 10% of the future earnings of any of you, so if anybody wants to see me when this is over...

Now if that's true, you're a million dollar asset right now, right? If 10% of you is worth $100,000. Many of you, and I certainly could have when I got out, just in terms of learning communication skills... you know, it's not something that's taught. I actually went to a Dale Carnegie course later on, in terms of public speaking.

But if you improve your value 50% by having better communication skills, it's another $500,000 in terms of capital value. See me after class and I'll pay you $150,000."

Okay, so not a very articulate plug for public speaking training, but you get the gist.

(Pet peeve: Every single student to ask a question thanked Buffett and Gates for appearing. Here's what I think about wasting time at the beginning of your talk to thank people, especially when they've already been thanked by everyone who spoke before you! They could have added a whole other question and answer with all the time these students spent saying "thank you" and "we're so honored.")

Here's the transcript, but it's incomplete; this question is missing, and maybe others.

Uncertainty is the mother of creativity

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On a recent episode of the show Iconoclasts, actor/comedian Mike Myers talks with physician/philosopher Deepak Chopra about the connection between humor and spirituality.

It's a fascinating discussion that takes us into the personal lives of both the men and behind the scenes of their work; we see what has brought them to their current occupation and passion and also what originally brought them together as friends. Some of the conversation around creativity caught my attention:

Mike Myers: "I want to be the architect of my own embarrassment. I will slip on my own banana peel, thank you very much."

This reminded me of Olivia Mitchell's post of a few days ago on making a fool of yourself in order to reduce stage fright. It also reminded me of another former SNL performer, Chris Farley, who said in an interview with Conan O'Brien that entering the stage falling down both breaks the ice with the audience and takes the butterflies away.

Being in control of your own "foolishness," taking the risk of embarrassing yourself actually puts you in the driver's seat. You have total control when you decide to take the risk, instead of being put into an awkward position by someone else.

Deepak Chopra: "I know a lot of famous people who are celebrities, but only a few of them are really creative. They all have one thing in common: They are comfortable with being insecure. So as long as there's that discontent of not being sure, that will take us to creative places."

For example, Cate Blanchett said in an interview once, "Weird and wonderful ideas always appeal to me. You've got to risk failure. That's what keeps me going - trying to improve."

Facing your insecurity forces you to keep going, keep trying, keep improving. Creative people can be very insecure. In fact, they're never satisfied, never sure they've achieved something great. It's the opposite of resting on your laurels, where you're sure you've created the best, most fabulous thing... and now you're done.

I also enjoyed this quote:

Deepak Chopra: "I love the unknown. It's in the unknown that we live all the time, pretending it's the known. I start my day saying, 'I hope this day is even more uncertain than yesterday.' If life can be a series of perpetual surprises, that's the most joyful experience you can have. If you're willing to step into the unknown, then everything is a surprise."

I think we've all had some unpleasant surprises in our lives that perhaps haven't been the most joyful experiences. But to live our lives trying to control every moment is stifling, not to mention impossible. Allowing ourselves to embrace the unknown (while always being prepared, right, speakers?) can give us a sense of freedom and lightheartedness that precludes worry and apprehensiveness.

And here's my favorite last quote by Deepak Chopra:

"Humor is humanity's device to escape suffering."

I'll leave that one for you to think about.

Shopping can make you a better presenter

As we are deep into the holiday shopping season, I want to remind you that shopping can make you a better presenter! How, exactly? See the posts below to learn more!

9 things you can learn from a home shopping show

Tea-ed off: Knowing when to leaf well enough alone

5 Ways to spiff up your act, BBC America-style

Slide design inspired by IKEA

Beware of personalization

And while we're talking about shopping, don't forget to check out my holiday gift suggestions for the speakers on your list!

How to Mix and Mingle Your Way Through the Dreaded Holiday Party

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Holiday parties are supposed to be fun. We get to dress up in our schmanciest duds and sparkliest jewelry, indulge in fine wines and hors d’oeuvres, and meet fascinating new people. Oh yeah, that thing about meeting new people – it’s not so much fun as it is intimidating and anxiety-inducing.

Many of us dread attending parties, especially those where we don’t know anyone... like the holiday party hosted by your partner’s company. During the holidays, this dread is intensified by the increasing stress of responsibilities like travel, gift shopping, and year-end work matters. We may find it difficult to embrace the festive spirit when a workplace party is a requirement of the season.

Still, whether you work for the company hosting the party or you’re a guest of an employee, it’s absolutely possible to manage your anxiety, let go of your fear, and genuinely enjoy yourself. Here’s how.

How to be a good host to your guest

If you bring a guest to the party, whether it’s your spouse or a casual date, it’s your responsibility to make sure she has a good time. Make sure your guest has a drink and food. Don’t leave her sitting alone while you chat with your coworkers. Make an effort to bring up non-work topics of conversation. And always introduce your guest to the people you know.

Share a little about the person you’re introducing, so your partner can put faces with names: “Amy, this is Mark from HR. He’s the one who always e-mails me those hilarious videos I’ve told you about.” This creates instant familiarity and helps your guest feel more at ease with people you’ve mentioned before.

What if you’ve forgotten someone’s name? That’s no excuse! Here are two ways to handle it gracefully.

1) Be honest with the coworker. Tell him that his name has slipped your mind. We’re all human and we all forget things; he’ll understand. If you say it with some self-deprecating humor, even better: “I’m sorry – I’m blanking on your name right now. Too much binge drinking in college.”

2) If the honest approach makes you uncomfortable, try introducing your partner first; your coworker will likely introduce himself. You say, “Have you met my girlfriend Amy?” Your coworker responds by extending his hand and saying, “Hi, I’m Jason.” Smooth!

How to be a good guest

You may be attending the party alone and know only the people in your department, or you may be the guest of an employee and not know anyone at all, but before the end of the evening, you might make a new friend or business contact. Just follow the tips below.

Ask your date or someone you know to introduce you to people at the party. Let him know before you arrive that you’d appreciate some introductions. Your date may assume you already know people, or just forget to introduce you.

The quickest way to get over party stage fright is to be the first one to say hello. Put out your hand and say, “Hi, I’m Jennifer, John’s wife.” Once the ice is broken, that feeling of standing there awkwardly while people chatter around you will fade away.

Remember, you don’t have to be confident to appear confident. Put on a smile and give a firm handshake. The more you practice presenting yourself as confident and assertive, the more you will start to feel confident and assertive.

When the person you’re meeting tells you his name, really listen. Don’t be planning the next thing you’re going to say. Repeat his name back to him ("Hi, Jason"). This will improve your chances of remembering his name the next time you see him.

When you sit down for dinner, you’ll eventually have to talk to someone besides your date. An effective way to connect with your neighbor is to ask questions. People love talking about themselves, and you might find you have things in common. Just be careful not to interrogate your neighbor or monopolize the conversation.

One open-ended question (that doesn’t lead to a “yes” or “no” answer) can keep a discussion going for quite a while, especially if you look for cues to lead you to the next question. If she mentions something about children, say, “Tell me about your kids.” If she mentions something about work, ask, “How long have you worked here?”

Plan ahead for some safe, easy topics of conversation:

~ The party (“The desserts look amazing . . . what are you going to have?”)
~ Local events (“I have a ton of holiday shopping still to do – any good craft fairs in town?”)
~ Travel (“What travel plans do you have for the holidays?”)
~ Background (“How long have you lived in Santa Barbara... what brought you here?”)
~ Hobbies (“John tells me that you collect Monty Python memorabilia; how did you get started?”)

Be prepared to explain your own profession concisely and clearly, as you likely will be asked. Bring business cards; someone you meet at the party may turn out to be a future business ally.

And no matter what, do not make fun of or share secrets about your partner as a way of bonding with his coworkers!

Tips for both host and guest

Greet and thank your party host upon arrival. This is a perfect time to practice introductions.

Smile -- be friendly -- make eye contact -- shake hands.

Don’t use the occasion to gripe to coworkers about your company. It may come back to you – with consequences.

If you're the guest who doesn't know anyone, don't sulk. Make an effort.

Drink lightly or not at all. Alcohol is frequently used as a “social lubricant” to relieve stress and make social interaction more comfortable – but alcohol can quickly shift from social lubricant to an excuse to act inappropriately.

Finally, take a deep breath and relax. Be yourself and show an interest in other people, and you might find yourself making merry at a holiday party this season.

This post was inspired by the "Public Speaking and The Holidays" blog carnival hosted by Angela DeFinis!

How to overwhelm an audience

You might have seen images of this map, which I've taken from a post by Richard Engel, NBC News Chief Foreign Correspondent. It's a map of the US military's counter insurgency strategy in Afghanistan.

(Click on the image to see it full size.)

What do you do when you are trying to illustrate a complex idea in a single graph?

Richard Engel says, "The slide is undoubtedly overwhelming. For some military commanders, the slide is genius, an attempt to show how all things in war – from media bias to ethnic/tribal rivalries – are interconnected and must be taken into consideration. It represents a new approach to war fighting, looking beyond simply killing enemy fighters. It underscores what those fighting wars have long known, that everything matters."

A slide like this could actually be used as a humorous opening to a presentation, were the subject matter different. The complexity is both funny and tragic in its current context.

So I might show this graph to illustrate the complex idea, but then I would break it down into understandable chunks which, in this case, would probably take no less than 500 slides.

I haven't sat in on the Joint Chiefs of Staff's meetings to discuss the war strategy, so for all I know, they have another 500 slides that break this down.

But to try to tell the whole story on one slide -- in any presentation -- is generally futile.

Stick with one idea per slide. And if you have 500 slides at the end of the day, maybe you are trying to express too many ideas in one presentation!

Join my Making Presentations Fun community on Ning

As a kickoff to the book I'm working on about making presentations fun, I've started a Speak Schmeak community on Ning where we can play, write, draw, post videos and engage in discussion about what makes presentations fun!

This is my first time with this kind of site, so if you have ideas for enhancing it, please let me know.

And if you haven't yet submitted a name for my book, leave a comment on this post with your suggestions.

See you soon!

Public speaking group coaching starts in Santa Barbara Jan. 26

Do you need help with public speaking, but aren't sure what options are available? Try group coaching! It's more affordable than one-on-one coaching, but more personalized than a class.

My groups are speaking/presentation focused, with an emphasis on building skills and confidence. If business networking or related issues come up, we will address them as time and interest allow. The group should be flexible enough to go where we need to go, but structured enough that our focus areas don't fall by the wayside.

This is a six-week program for six people. If you enjoy a safe and encouraging small group environment, this program is for you. As space is limited, it's a good idea to sign up asap.

Please pass this along to your Santa Barbara friends! Group coaching by phone will follow soon, but for now it's all in person in SB.

Fun Friday -- Musical introduction

Here are a couple of regular IT guys who are more comfortable singing in front of an audience than speaking. Check out their musical introductions at our local Chamber of Commerce meetings to promote their business. Wanna get out of your comfort zone? Try singing your message!

Help me name my book!

Download audio here.



I am notoriously bad at coming up with titles. You might have noticed a slew of boring titles on this here blog, and all I can say is that I sure hope the content is way better than the titles.

Now, I'm in the process of writing a book/e-book on making presentations fun. The book will cover many aspects of fun: props, visuals, games, skits, stories, music, activities, tools, tricks, etc., and will include my stories and stories from other speakers about how we make presentations fun for our audiences (and for ourselves!).

I'm also going to put up another site that will revolve around this same concept and will allow readers to add their own stories, videos, etc. I'd like the name of the site and the name of the book to be the same.

I'm leaning toward a really boring name, like "Making Presentations Fun." Ugh. Even if I started with a name like that, I would still need a good subtitle.

So I've decided to make this a contest. Please submit your suggestions either in the comments below, or if you're shy, by e-mail (you'll find my contact info in the sidebar). Deadline for submitting your suggestions is December 17.

I'll take full names. I'll take subtitles that would make my boring title interesting. Whatever you've got, I'll take it.

If your name is picked, I'll send you your choice of either my "101 Tips to Improve Your Public Speaking" (see what I mean?), or a copy of the new book/e-book when it comes out.

Let the contest begin!

Images: Say more with less

Download audio here.



I came across this graphic (by Headcase Design) in a recent issue of Time Magazine. The article was about the Ares I rocket and, as you can see, the graphic was used to show the size of the rocket.

A football field. The Statue of Liberty. The Ares I rocket. A simple juxtaposition of three elements gives us a clear picture of the size and scale of the machine. Even if there were no words in this image, you would still understand everything about it.

Reaching the top of the stairs at the stadium where I work out, I turned to look at the football field. I clearly saw, in my mind, the rocket stretched out over the length of the field.

Simple, yes. Memorable, yes. Predictable, no!

Click on the image to expand it.
Click here to read the Time Magazine article.

Book: What to Do When You Are Fired or Laid Off

This is a how-to guide for getting through losing a job and getting back on your feet. I was interviewed for the book and my story is on page 26-27.

I was laid off three times in four years, so I have learned a thing or two about bouncing back! Find it on Amazon here.