My favorite compliment ever

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Over the weekend, I gave a half-day training to a local organization on promoting your business without sounding like a commercial. (Here's the short version of this training in an upcoming webinar.)

So I got a little overconfident and, not practicing what I preach, neglected to prepare a strong opening, or even a decent closing. It was one of those times that I talk about here on Speak Schmeak a lot: When you get too comfortable and start resting on your laurels, something will go wrong. And it did!

As I got to the part of the presentation where I talk about openings and closings, I confessed to the audience that I hadn't prepared the opening very well. Why did I choose to reveal this mistake? Because once I started talking about the importance of creating a strong opening, it would have been a no-brainer for the audience to think back and realize I did not do this myself. I am always a role model for speaking; there's no way around it.

So I took responsibility and talked about memorable openings and how mine wasn't. Didn't beat myself up, but I made myself an example.

Then here and there, as is typical in presentations, I got ahead of myself or a little behind, and made a couple of fumbles. But I had a great time and a great conversation with this group of women.

At the end of the session, I was talking with a woman I know, saying, "Well, that's life. Nobody's perfect and I mess up just like everyone else." Another woman approached me and told me she loved that about my presentation. It humanized me, and it made public speaking seem attainable to her. She said, "Watching you made me feel like I could do it."

Now, I don't make mistakes on purpose, but to be honest, this comment was worth hundreds of standing ovations to me. Because someone saw me in the front of the room, enjoying myself, not stressing out about making mistakes, moving on and getting the job done.

I am all about making public speaking attainable for my audiences! I want them to walk out the door saying, "I can do that!" And, "I can have fun while doing that!"

I don't care if you're perfect. Nobody cares if you're perfect. What the audience wants is to get something of value, something relevant to their lives that they can take with them when they leave. They want engagement and connection, not perfection.

So I was reminded of my own flaws as a presenter, reminded that I can never get too comfortable. I was also reminded that my message is getting across. And it made my day!

Today's the day! Go. Do. Now!

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I was reading a marketing e-book the other day by Barbara Wayman of Blue Tree Media, and this simple tip struck me:

"Remember, the best PR techniques don't do anything if you don't actually use them."

Yes, it seems obvious, but I can relate. I've read lots of marketing and PR blogs, newsletters and books, but I don't always follow through with implementing what I've learned. So maybe I know what I'm supposed to be doing, but if I'm not doing it, then there's no benefit to my business.

How many of you read this blog, my newsletter, my e-books and handouts and enjoy what you read... but never apply it? I'm encouraging you today to find one tip, one piece of advice that has resonated with you, and go do it. Today! Okay, or tomorrow, since for a lot of you it's already afternoon.

And I'll do the same -- I'm going to send out a press release today to a local media outlet about my upcoming group coaching program.

All the training and education in the world means nothing if you don't apply it. It's as simple as that!

(And if you want some great marketing tips, sign up for Barbara's newsletter here. You'll also get the marketing tips e-book I was telling you about.)

Register now! Webinar: Promote Your Business Through Public Speaking

Promotion and marketing are part of every business, and public speaking is a free and easy way to spread the word. But how do you talk about your business without outright selling? This workshop teaches you how to put your audience first and provide relevance and value, not a commercial.

I'll be giving this one-hour webinar, "Sell Yourself, Not Your Stuff: Promote Your Business Through Public Speaking," hosted by the World Tea Expo, on April 6 at 10 a.m. PDT. Registration is just $29 -- sign up now!

Don't forget your pre-flight check

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We attended a wedding last weekend at a cute little outdoor wedding chapel. The setting was sweet, but the sound was weak.

Part of the reason it was hard to hear the ceremony was that there was a bubbling fountain on my side of the patio. I could hear most of what the minister was saying, but when the bride and groom began to share the vows they had written for each other -- to me, the most important part of the ceremony -- I could barely hear a thing.

The wedding coordinator was standing at the back, watching the proceedings, with a look on her face that indicated she couldn't hear anything, either. And yet it didn't occur to her to turn off the fountain. Or hook up a microphone, for that matter.

How many weddings has this chapel hosted? I'm guessing that they've hosted enough weddings that they should know the sound isn't very good.

But here's the problem, and I see it all the time with speakers: You get used to a particular venue or audience and become lulled by the familiarity of the situation. You no longer check the sound or the seating or the view of the stage or the thermostat or any of the things that you used to confirm beforehand.

When you do the same thing over and over enough times, it's easy to fall into a pattern of stagnation. You don't update your presentation, you don't look at the venue through fresh eyes. You don't notice the noisy fountain in the corner. Unfortunately, you are not seeing the presentation or the space the way your audience sees it.

Every time an airplane leaves the ground, it has undergone a pre-flight inspection to make sure it's in proper condition to fly. Every time. And it's never rushed. The pilot or ground crew take their time to make sure everything is in good working order. If it's not, the plane doesn't fly.

You may not have safety concerns about your presentation, but if your venue is not in the best condition, it's going to affect the audience -- and you could still crash and burn.

Don't overwork your presentation

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If you've never made a pie, you might not know this, but overworking the dough for the crust makes a tough chewy texture rather than the light flaky texture we all prefer. If you overmix the dough when you're making, say, scones, the same thing happens. Hard, dense, chewy scones instead of light, fluffy treats.

Overdoing it isn't just a problem with dough. Overcook a piece of fish and the proteins seize up, making your fish rubbery, not flaky.

Overdo your exercise routine and you end up too sore to go to the gym for days.

Overdo the celebration at a party and you will feel pretty crummy the next day, whether from too much alcohol or too much food!

Which brings me back to overworking, and a problem that is the opposite of what I typically see with speakers.

The typical speaker I see is a procrastinator who throws the presentation together at the last minute. The "overworker," on the other hand, nitpicks it for months. He writes and rewrites, adjusting a few details each time. He practices every single day, several times a day.

What? This isn't a good thing? "But Lisa," you say, "I thought preparation was the holy grail of successful public speaking!"

Here's the thing: You don't really know how any presentation is going to work until you get in front of an audience. And each audience is different. So at some point you just have to let go and trust that your presentation is all it can be and will come to life when you deliver it. Practice in front of a friend, coworker or spouse and get feedback, but then you just have to let go.

Let it percolate in your brain for a few days here and there without practicing it at all. Don't even look at it for a week. Then come back with fresh eyes.

Your presentation should be done at least a full day before you deliver it. Don't change things at the last minute. You won't feel prepared; you won't have worked on the new material and you may find yourself feeling lost or not connecting with your content.

Just like pie crust, your presentation should be worked on "just enough." What is "enough" will have to be determined by you. But practicing every single day for three months is just going to make you crazy. You will never feel ready.

Lightly mix the ingredients. Gently fold them together. Then put your crust in the oven and let it bake (that's your brain, in case the analogy isn't clear).

Walk away. And when you deliver it to the audience, it will be fresh, it will be tasty, and from that experience you will learn what you need to do better for next time.

For more on preparation, read:

What's your excuse for not being prepared?

Prepared vs. over-prepared

Get plenty of sleep before your presentation

Can you be prepared and still be spontaneous?

Three bad handshakes to avoid

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Before I go reinventing the wheel, I'd like to point you to a blog post by Rowan Manahan about handshakes. He links to studies from the University of Iowa and the University of Alabama that confirm the importance of a good handshake.

What exactly is a good handshake? And more specifically, why does handshaking etiquette seem to differ for women and men?

"'Having a firm handshake is important for making a good impression,” Chaplin said. “We found that men had firmer handshakes than women did, on average, but we also found that women who had firm handshakes tended to be evaluated as positively as men are. We thought this finding was interesting because often when women have characteristics that are more similar to men, they tend to elicit a somewhat more negative evaluation — simply because it’s counter to the usual stereotypes.'

So, what should women make of this?

'For women who are timid about shaking hands or who feel that handshaking is, traditionally, a masculine activity and who might not shake hands as firmly as they otherwise would, the message would be to go ahead and shake the hand firmly,” Chaplin said. “You make a great impression when you do.'"

To keep this post from becoming a tome, I'm going to address the three most common problem handshakes I encounter on a regular basis.

1. Four-fingered southern belle

I think we've all heard of and encountered the limp fish, and this particular version is almost exclusively a woman's handshake. Rather than nestling her hand thumb joint to thumb joint with the other person, like this,

the woman stops short and presents just her fingers to be grasped, right about at the mid-knuckle point. This would be appropriate if she were meeting Prince Charming at the ball and expecting him to kiss her hand. In a business setting, bad handshake.

Women, if you wish to be seen as unassertive and weak, this is one way to accomplish it.

2. Unfulfilled hand-kiss

This is the flip side of the previous handshake, where a woman (say, me) is offering her hand and expecting a healthy full grip, but the man grabs the woman's fingers instead.

I'll tell you why I hate this handshake. Because it makes me look like the bad shaker! It looks like I've offered the four-fingered southern belle, when in fact I was going for the full palm shake. Do over? I suppose there is some ancient etiquette behind this where women's hands were thought to be too delicate for a handshake, but that is way outdated.

Also, guys, if you do ever grab my fingers like that, I'm expecting the Prince Charming hand kiss. So unless that's your intention, let me get my hand in there, will ya?

3. Bone crusher

This one doesn't really need to be explained, except to say, "Ouch!" This is a business meeting, not a strongman competition. Guys, a handshake should be firm, not debilitating. If you feel the person's hand crumble inside yours, chances are you're breaking their bones. Lay off a little.

Here's what a good handshake looks and feels like.

Face the other person and put out your right hand with fingers facing forward and thumb vertical, as though you were going to saw a piece of wood. Your palm can alternatively be tilted slightly upward. Your wrist should be straight, not bent or limp.

Extend your hand while introducing yourself, and slide your hand into the other person's until the fleshy areas between your thumb and forefinger are touching (see picture above).

Grasp the person's hand firmly, but not violently. You do not have to prove your manliness here.

Pump hands one or two times. More than that and it seems like you're drilling for oil.

One hand is enough. Placing your left hand over the other person's hand can be considered a personal space violation.

If you don't know what kind of handshake you have, ask some friends to practice with you. You might be giving the southern belle or the bone crusher without even realizing it!

A handshake, a smile and an introduction combine into a single, first-impression-making act. Don't mess it up by presenting yourself as overly aggressive or less than assertive. In this case, it's always best to seek the middle ground.

Lessons from Seinfeld

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In the documentary, "Comedian," Jerry Seinfeld has decided to scrap all his previous material from decades of success as a standup comedian and TV star, and start over with a new standup act.

This film shows the challenges of this monumentally successful performer as he makes his rounds from comedy club to comedy club, trying out first five minutes of material, then ten, then twenty, attempting to work his way up to a full hour of material worthy of a one-man show.

In a parallel story, and crossing paths with Seinfeld, comedian Orny Adams has been working in standup for several years and is looking for his big break.

I found some excellent lessons on writing, preparing and presenting material, whether it's a comedy bit or a presentation.

1. Take good notes and keep them.

Orny Adams has dozens of notebooks full of ideas for jokes. He may never use them, or he may find one that becomes his signature. You never know where an idea will take you, so write them down and save them!

2. Don't add new material at the last minute that you haven't practiced.

Sometimes we think of a new opening or a story that seems to fit, but we haven't taken the time to integrate it into the presentation. Make sure you practice new content to determine how it fits into your overall message and how you'll transition into and out of it. I've added new material at the last minute before and found that it threw me off sync.

3. Figure out how your content works with different kinds of audiences.

Jerry Seinfeld takes gigs at all times of the day and night, on weekdays and on weekends, in order to craft a routine that works for a variety of audiences. You may not like the 8:00 a.m. gig or the one during lunch with the waiters clanking plates and glasses, but the more experience you have with different venues and audiences, the more you'll improve.

4. Don't make excuses.

If your audience doesn't "get" your message or if they don't respond the way you want them to, chances are it's your fault. It's your job to find out what the audience needs and wants and then give it to them. If you're not meeting their needs, they're not going to love you.

Seinfeld says, "Every comedian has a f'n excuse. 'It's the candles, it's the smoke. Put these candles out -- I gotta go on.' I make no excuse. I just wasn't good."

5. Take the time to make your presentation excellent.

Seinfeld started over. Not a single joke remains from his previous routines or TV show. He started with five minutes of material. Three months later, he had 20 minutes of material. A month after that, 40 minutes. At this 4-month mark, he still wasn't sure his routine was going to work.

This is a seasoned, veteran comedian who could easily rest on his laurels, walk on stage and say just about anything to his adoring fans. But he cares about giving the best performance he can give and is taking as long as it takes to make his routine the best it can be.

6. Everyone struggles, even the pros.

Seinfeld says, referring to being on stage again, "It's so hard to get comfortable. It just comes and goes. There are just glimpses, little moments where I feel like myself and I feel comfortable. And then the rest of it, I'm like in my father's suit with these huge sleeves and legs and I'm going, 'What am I wearing, what am I doing here?'"

After his Tonight Show performance with his new routine, he says to his wife:

"It felt like my first Tonight Show [1981]... in that I came off the stage and I have really no idea what happened. Did I seem normal and comfortable?"

He later commented about the performance, "I just did things that I wouldn't normally do. Little lines, little words that -- I just totally focused on the little tiny mistakes that I made. I got 30 phone calls though, which is, I think, the most I ever had in my life for anything."

Even hugely successful performers and speakers are constantly improving their material, always striving to give a better performance and always working to be the best they can be. This is precisely what makes them so successful.

What are you doing today to improve your presentation?

Do you have the confidence to be clear?

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For about a month, I had been hearing from one reader or another that they couldn't access this blog due to a malware warning. The IT people I talked to suggested that the problem might be on the users' computers or that there was actually a bad link on my blog.

I was tearing out my hair over how to resolve this, and the following Google diagnostics page did nothing to help. It was sent to me by two people, and also came up when I searched for the offending link online. What do you think of this as a helpful tool to someone with malware on their site? Click on it to view full size. I'll wait while you read it.

Now that you've read this, and providing that you're not a software developer or someone other than the typical user of a computer and the Web, what did you think?

Here's what I thought: Google is telling me that blogio.net is a malicious site. Now what? Did I need to be told the same thing in 20 different ways, none of which make sense to me? Because that's what it seemed like when I read this document.

However, here's what was missing for me.

1. What does this actually MEAN? It took me forever to figure out, on my own, that this was the name of an actual link (a little banner, actually) that was right on the front page of my blog. That would have been helpful information. I put it there so long ago that I had forgotten about it and the link was unfamiliar to me.

2. What do I DO about it? Once I finally found the link, I was smart enough to figure out that I should delete the banner. But am I supposed to report something? Do something else? Is that good enough?

I'm a big proponent of the plain language movement, a movement that seeks to make communication from government, medical, engineering, legal, science and other fields easier for the average person to understand.

Here's an example of a Medicare fraud letter before plain language and after:

---

Before

Investigators at the contractor will review the facts in your case and decide the most appropriate course of action. The first step taken with most Medicare health care providers is to reeducate them about Medicare regulations and policies. If the practice continues, the contractor may conduct special audits of the providers medical records. Often, the contractor recovers overpayments to health care providers this way. If there is sufficient evidence to show that the provider is consistently violating Medicare policies, the contractor will document the violations and ask the Office of the Inspector General to prosecute the case. This can lead to expulsion from the Medicare program, civil monetary penalties, and imprisonment.

After

We will take two steps to look at this matter: We will find out if it was an error or fraud.

We will let you know the result.

---

Why make something more complicated than it needs to be? Why not make your message as clear and easy to understand as possible?

Speakers fear "dumbing down" their message and insulting their audience, but there's a difference between "dumb" and "understandable." And then there are the speakers who need their audiences to think they're brilliant, and that using big words and complex language will seal the deal.

This is just my opinion, but sometimes I think that the bigger words you use and the more you obfuscate (uh, muddle) your message, the more insecure you appear.

I heard this from several audience members recently who heard a famous politician speak. They felt that his language was confusing for many reasons, none of them positive. He was insecure, he wanted to confuse people on purpose, he wanted to appear smarter than the audience, etc. One gave him the benefit of the doubt and suggested that he really didn't realize his language was so convoluted.

Whatever the reason, it is not impressive to the audience when you use such complex language that they cannot understand you. There's no benefit to you or to them.

So get on board with plain language and see if you can make your complex ideas easier for your audience to understand. If they can understand, they can take action. And isn't that what we all want?

Save the date for my April 6 webinar

I've been invited by the World Tea Expo to present a webinar on Tuesday, April 6, and lucky for you, the webinar is not just open to tea people, it's open to everyone! The webinar is "Sell Yourself, Not Your Stuff: Promote Your Business Through Public Speaking," and it's all about presenting on your business without sounding like a commercial.

The webinar will be held at 10:00 a.m. PDT. The fee is a very affordable $29. I don't yet have a registration link for you, but will send it out as soon as I receive it. Mark your calendar now!

What can you say in 45 seconds?

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Have you noticed how many award show winners run out of time? Okay, of course you have. It's even worse when there are multiple winners who all want to speak.

It seems as though they all want to be spontaneous and in the moment - and not rehearsed in any way. Very few seem to have a prepared speech.

Every time I see another winner get cut off by the music I wonder to myself, "Why?"

Nominees at this year's Academy Awards were given 45 seconds for their speeches. They were also invited to share any additional thoughts not falling within the time frame with a backstage "thank you cam" this year, to be posted to the web and used however the winners wished to use them.

At the annual nominees luncheon, producers gave tips on how to approach the 45-second speech, including, "Share your passion on what the Oscar means to you." Sounds good to me!

Not everyone who wins an Academy Award is an actor and therefore should not be expected to have the same familiarity with rehearsing a script. However, 45 seconds should be plenty long enough for anyone who takes the time to prepare and practice.

For goodness sake -- they know they're nominated, so it's not like a huge surprise when they win! Each nominee should have taken the time to prepare a speech, practiced it, and made sure it fit into the 45-second time slot.

If there are multiple winners to bring onstage, you need to divide up the time and practice, whether each person gets ten or twenty seconds.

And, by the way, this is true of any presentation where there are multiple speakers. One way to guarantee you go over time and someone doesn't get to finish is to avoid practicing together. One person speaking is unpredictable enough; two people or more, it's a crapshoot.

Whether it's just you or several speakers, and whether you have 45 seconds or 45 minutes, you always need to practice and you always need to fit into your time slot. It's the courteous thing to do for the other speakers and for your audience.

By the way, when's the last time an Oscar winner thanked us for watching their movie?

Making a bad space better

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Over this past weekend I shared a booth at the Women's Festival at Earl Warren Showgrounds in Santa Barbara.

The main exhibit hall at the showgrounds is a large, circular building with concrete floors (originally designed to resemble a giant daisy with a 43' domed ceiling at the center). I've been attending events there since I was a small child, and I've always been impressed with the amount of echo in the space.

Now imagine a conference and expo held in this large echoing hall, with speakers or musicians on the stage at the same time as a couple hundred people shmooze their way through the expo.

The stage was on one side of the round hall and was surrounded by exhibitor booths, concessions and first aid booths. There was also an art show going on.

When the musicians or speakers were on stage, it was nearly impossible to have a conversation with booth visitors. For the speakers, the room was way too loud and full of distractions. During one panel discussion, the speakers were set up at the back of the stage, a good 30 feet away from the audience, which probably didn't help matters.

At one point, volunteers came around and asked exhibitors to keep our voices down when there were speakers. Am I wrong, or did the exhibitors pay a lot of money to be there and to do business with attendees?

So as you can probably guess, this was not a good situation for the speakers or the exhibitors.

The organizers of the event could have done a couple of things to make this better for everyone involved.

1. Carpeting

I don't know if Earl Warren provides carpeting as an option, but most trade show halls do. It's amazing how well carpeting mutes sound, as well as makes it much more comfortable for an exhibitor to stand on her feet all day!

2. Curtains

There could have been some drapery around the stage and audience area to set it apart and contain the sound a bit.

3. Placement

The stage could have been placed in an area not surrounded by exhibitors, but in its own space with exhibitors to one side. And then set off by curtains, as mentioned above. Or, in the case of Earl Warren Showgrounds, had the organizers also rented the Warren Hall for the speakers, a smaller space next to the main hall, the expo and speakers could have co-existed in separate buildings altogether.

4. Timing

The expo could have been scheduled during times when there were no speakers or entertainment, not throughout the entire event.

Ultimately, I don't think Earl Warren Showgrounds is the right venue for this event, because I don't think most of the suggestions mentioned above are even possible. If that's the case, the organizers should rethink entirely their location; for example, finding a space that allows for an expo, main stage and breakout rooms. Speakers and exhibitors leaving disappointed is never the desired outcome for an event like this.

All that being said, I am the queen of making the best of a bad situation, and I met and talked to a lot of great people. Left with a strained voice, but I did my best to interact with my booth visitors through both my flip chart and my Flip video camera!

Put it away, but don't throw away the key

Have you ever had a really bad day, but still had to put on a brave face and go out into the world? You had commitments you couldn't cancel, so you just put the pedal to the metal and were amazed at how you were able to get through the day.

Did you ever have to give a presentation on a day like this? I wrote here about an experience years ago where I had no choice but to show up for a presentation when I had the flu, including fever and chills. I went, I dug deep, I made it through the day, and then I crashed.

On American Idol this week, one of the contestants was hospitalized for complications from her diabetes. This led to two examples of this kind of "sucking it up."

First, the guys had to perform in place of the women because of Crystal Bowersox' health issue, meaning they lost a day of rehearsal time. They were told in the morning they would be performing.

This must have led to even more stress and anxiety than they would typically have on performance night, but they didn't have a choice, so they all pulled it together (even Alex Lambert, who normally vomits before a performance).

The other example, of course, is Crystal herself, whose reprieve from performing only lasted a day. She had to get back on that stage and perform, regardless of how she felt. Amazingly, hers was the strongest performance of the night.

How do we do this? How is it that we are able, when every fiber of our being is telling us, "Go lie down," "Take care of yourself," "Tear your hair out," "Scream and pound on something," or "Have a good cry," to go on and do what we have to do?

It's called compartmentalization, and it's a good tool to have in your public speaking toolkit.

Compartmentalization is an emotional coping mechanism where we suppress or "put away" certain thoughts and feelings so we don't have to deal with them in the moment. It's a good tool when it allows you to do what you have to do, even when you don't feel up to doing it.

Another personal example: Last Friday, my 20-year-old kitty was very sick. Her health had been declining rapidly and on that morning, she looked like she might not survive the day. However, I had a three-hour training to facilitate and there was no way I could stay with her or even take her to the vet myself. A part of me knew that we might lose her that day, whether by her choice or by ours, but I could not allow myself to dwell on those thoughts, because I could not let down my client, especially at that late notice.

My husband took Kitty to our vet, where we knew she would be in good hands until I was done with my training.

On the verge of emotional overload, I went to UCSB and, for the next three hours, delivered a top-notch training in my usual style with humor, fun and audience engagement.

Luckily, I had had some snuggle time in bed that morning with Kitty, because when I came home, I discovered she had not made it. At which point I was completely free to let out my emotions and deal with my sadness and grief.

Compartmentalizing is a necessary coping technique; without it, we would be swallowed up by our emotions and unable to function in the world whenever anything was going wrong. But it may be easier said than done.

For example, elite athletes are well-known for their ability to play through pain of injury; whether it's a good idea or not is another story.

Soldiers are skilled at compartmentalizing their fears, guilt, anger or sadness when they are at war, and put all their intellectual and emotional energy into the necessary tasks of warfare. However, sometimes a soldier who is good at compartmentalizing is later unable to access those emotions or, worse, becomes overwhelmed by them.

Don't think of compartmentalizing as forgetting or trying to get over something quicker than you are able. Think of it as, literally, putting your thoughts or feelings into a compartment or box for later. You will come back to it if you need to. You will deal with it later. Just for right now, let it go. Don't dwell on it, don't think about it, and focus on the task at hand.

Keep in mind, if you always compartmentalize and then never come back to address the issue (if it needs addressing), you might not be dealing effectively with your emotions.

But as a temporary solution to a problem that can't be solved at that moment, compartmentalizing is a useful and healthy way to get through a hard time and one way that you will survive a presentation even if you are overwhelmed with anxiety.

Notice how you use this tool in your daily life and think about how you might use it more effectively when you have stand up in front of an audience on a day when things aren't going your way.

Share your examples of compartmentalizing in the comments below!

Perfection is the enemy of authenticity

Some of the American Idol judges' comments this week about John Park's rendition of "Gravity" included "lacking connection," "try to feel the song," and "there could have been a little more soul in it."

Simon said, "I struggle with the believability..." and "It just didn't feel authentic...."

Kara said, "When you're singing it, I don't always believe it. I don't know whether it's because you want to be perfect and you want to hit the notes... but you need to let loose and get out of that comfort zone of yours."

I think she hit the nail on the head. When John Park sang the song, he was so focused on getting it right that he failed to connect emotionally with the song and with the audience.

How often do you find yourself, as a speaker, stressed out because you're afraid of forgetting something or not doing everything exactly as you've planned and rehearsed it?

The more you try to memorize your presentation and make it perfect, the farther away you get from being honest (as John Park said he wanted to be) and authentic. The reason for this is that there's no such thing as perfect. We're all human. No one is perfect. So in striving to be perfect, you end up obscuring your true, authentic self under a mechanical performance.

Audiences don't care about perfection. They don't expect it. They want to relate to you, laugh, cry, be surprised, get goosebumps and feel something when you speak. If you don't feel it, how do you expect them to feel it?

Reveal yourself by getting out of your comfort zone. Stop playing it safe. Be vulnerable. Take a risk. Make a mistake. Make connecting with your passion and connecting with your audience the priority, instead of obsessing about getting everything right.

Perfection is the enemy. Resist!

Scenes from a workshop

I enjoyed working with a great group of grad students on Friday at UCSB's Bren School of Environmental Science and Management.

The half-day workshop was about how to present difficult or controversial topics to audiences who may be uninformed or hostile.

I finally got around to writing myself a proper introduction for this training. For more than four years now, I'm embarrassed to say, I've been handing over a short version of my bio for my introducer to read. BORING. Completely out of laziness and forgetfulness, I keep getting down to the wire with no introduction and sending my introducer out with the same dull opening.

This time, I got on the ball and came up with something new that fits my style and personality. Unfortunately, I didn't test it out on anyone before I had the introducer deliver it, and the last few words were obliterated by audience laughter! Next time I need to script a pause into the middle of the sentence that gets the biggest laugh, so the audience can hear the rest!

There's always something new to learn.

In the first picture, the students are exploring the Curse of Knowledge through the "tappers and listeners" exercise from "Made to Stick." Funny and frustrating, as usual!

The second photo shows how creative an audience can be with pipe cleaners while still participating in the discussion. There were a few Play-Doh sculptures as well, but the pipe cleaners were the most artistic form of expression. If you're wondering why I would let my audience play with toys during my workshop, read here.

Thank you, Sara Solis and the rest of the Doris Duke Fellows, for inviting me!