An aha moment

I love this series of commercials for Mutual of Omaha. They're about people's "moment of clarity... a defining moment where you gain real wisdom -- wisdom you can use to change your life."

I like this concept both as a speaker and as an audience member. As a speaker, I look for aha moments to help me improve as a speaker and coach and to grow in my career. As an audience member, I look for aha moments provided by speakers with great insight and passion.

Some of these commercials are particularly moving. I can only link to the page, not to an individual commercial, but check out the young woman on this page, Stacey, with the title "Sobriety opened my eyes."

Your stories may not bring tears to your audiences' eyes, but can be authentic and powerful in their own way. Funny? Great. Embarrassing? Awesome. Horrifying? Go for it.

Use your stories the way the people have in these commercials, to instruct and inspire with your own aha moments.

I shared a big aha moment in my panic attack series... my aha being that, not only is it okay for people to know that I struggle with panic attacks, but that I can actually help others who are dealing with anxiety, because of my own experience.

Have you had an aha moment that could be part of your next presentation? Please share in the comments!

So... here's my tip of the day

A lot of people are bothered by the filler words "um" and "uh," but I'm noticing a far more distracting trend, which is the use of the word "so" to start a sentence.

I typically tell my clients that, unless their fillers are distracting and egregious, not to worry too much about them. After all, filler words are as much a part of communication as other words, according to Michael Erard in the book, "Um... Slips, Stumbles and Verbal Blunders, and What They Mean."

And the word "so" is not necessarily "bad" word. One of its main uses is as a conjunction, and it's meant to join two parts of a sentence together: for example, "I don't want to go, so I won't." (More examples of the conjunction "so" are here.) There are many proper uses of the word "so."

However, I'm noticing a lot of people using the word as a sort of conjunction, but as a transition between sentences. I notice a lot of speakers not only starting sentences with "so," but actually starting their entire presentations that way.

So... Here's my quick tip for today. You know how you've been practicing pausing instead of saying "um" in the middle of sentences? You can also practice pausing and silence at the beginning of sentences!

When you stand up to begin your presentation, don't start until you're ready. Ground yourself, then start speaking, with the engaging opening you've prepared and without saying "so" in front of it.

When you find yourself at the end of a sentence during a presentation, let it be the end. If you intend to use a conjunction, like "This happened, so now that will happen," that's fine. But if you are at the end of the sentence, let it lie. Pause, then start your next sentence.

Like any filler, if you use "so" occasionally, it's not a big deal. But make sure you are videotaping yourself or getting feedback from colleagues so ("in order that" -- another correct use of "so") you can find out if you are using the word to a degree that it has become noticeable and distracting.

Missed your audience's boat?

Sometimes it's hard to read the audience. I've written before about not taking it personally when someone is sitting stonefaced (maybe that's just his face) or playing on their Blackberry (this is the 2000s version of doodling).

But the truth is, sometimes we get a puzzling response from the audience, and it has nothing to do with our content or delivery.

I worked with a group of executives a while back who were finding themselves newly responsible for taking their company from a small regional outfit to a nationally recognized contender in their industry. The staff felt pressure to put forth a more professional image, do more public speaking, and represent the company on a larger scale.

I spent a half day coaching this group and, while the group was a little reserved, I thought it went well. That's when, in our last five minutes, one of the participants brought up something the CEO had mentioned about the group's presentation styles, and it threw me for a loop. Suddenly I feared that I had completely missed the boat with this group and had been leading them in the wrong direction all day.

So we had a brief discussion to clarify the issue, to see how the rest of the group perceived the question and my coaching, and we all agreed we were on the same page.

But that wasn't good enough for me. I was still concerned. I spoke briefly with the organizer of the meeting before I left, and she said she would look into it.

Over a week went by before we were able to speak again, and in that week, I worried and fretted. Had I given them what they wanted? Had I failed? Were they going to ask for their money back?!

In the end, I spoke with the organizer, and everything was fine. In fact, the feedback from the group was excellent, and it turns out that the CEO's comments related to a different group of employees who are far less experienced as presenters.

I should have trusted myself. I researched the group in advance and talked at length with the organizer, and believed I had found out everything I needed to know. But sometimes someone throws a curve ball, and suddenly all my careful planning and preparation is turned upside down -- in my head at least.

It's the worst feeling not to know if you've met your audience's expectations. Sometimes you're picking up on something that has nothing to do with you or your presentation. The best you can do is address it and try to talk it out to make sure you're reading the group correctly and meeting their needs sufficiently.

At some point, you have to let go of the worry and uncertainty about the situation. At some point, you have to trust you've done the right thing. But always follow up with the organizer and get feedback, and offer to remedy the situation if things did not go as planned.

It turns out I had nothing to worry about. But had I taken the wrong approach with this group, I would have wanted to know, and I would have wanted to fix it!

You never have as much time as you want

Here's a quick tip to help you keep your presentation within its time frame.

You already know to leave a time cushion in your presentation when practicing, taking into consideration audience interaction and questions. But don't forget this critical factor: Presentations rarely start on time!

I've seen organizers delay the start of a workshop or presentation as much as ten or fifteen minutes due to stragglers.

I don't believe in rewarding latecomers and, when I am running the show, I start on time.

However, you will frequently find yourself in situations where you are not running the show. The speaker before you went long, or the person hosting your meeting or talk wants to wait until everyone (or nearly everyone) has arrived. This is frustrating, but it's all part of the unpredictability of public speaking.

Regardless of what time the presentation actually starts, I always start my timer right at the intended start time, so I can keep track of my remaining time even when starting late.

When practicing your presentation, always take into account that, in addition to losing time at the end of your talk, you may also lose time at the beginning. Plan accordingly.

Get your hair out of your face... and other advice

Here's a short and sweet little video from the ComedySportz blog with some advice on improv. Much of it translates to public speaking and performing in general. Thanks to Evan for passing it along.

3am Improv Thoughts from Jill Bernard from Jill Bernard on Vimeo.

Curling with kisses: How a teacher engages the audience

"When Santa Barbara Junior High School science teacher Marilyn Garza watched curling for the first time during the Winter Olympics, she saw an avenue for teaching her students about friction and gravitational forces.

With images of curlers sending granite stones down lanes of ice, Garza devised a way to show her students the science behind the sport by using Hershey's Kisses and rubber bands. She named the lesson 'Curling With Kisses.'" ~ Daily Sound

Remember your junior high school science teacher, toiling away to come up with activities and experiments every day to make science fun and engaging? What did your other teachers do to help you understand concepts you were learning for the first time? Use analogies so you could relate those concepts to your life? Use demonstrations? Show videos? Create activities for you to do alone or with a partner or group?

I shared my high school geometry textbook in a post here a while back. The teacher was a huge drag, but the book managed to make geometry fun and interesting.

In fifth grade, I was learning critical thinking skills through debate, thanks to Mrs. Lopez. The topic: Which is more damaging, fire or water? Which side do you think I took, as a ten-year-old contrarian?

I had a high school Spanish teacher (Mrs. Couturier) who, when our class was scheduled before lunchtime, would go with us to the dining hall and have us all sit together speaking Spanish for the duration of the period. Not reciting or reading from textbooks, just conversing.

I had a grad school professor whose group projects included having us apply the program's education principles to a mock business we created.

Another grad school professor had some students literally climbing the walls in an activity designed to teach us how to "let go." Was it a powerful and engaging activity? So powerful that some people were too scared to participate.

Not all teachers are great, but most of them spend hours and hours each week preparing activities and exercises to encourage active learning. There's always a way to make your topic more interesting!

What have you learned from teachers that you can apply to your presentations?

Stop making excuses for your data dump

For those of you who insist that data cannot (or worse -- shouldn't) be presented in an interesting and engaging way, I will once again point you to Hans Rosling. He is not the only speaker who makes data fascinating, but he is probably the best at it.

Notice how he takes his time, during his talk at TEDIndia, to set the stage to make his main point. He talks about his own history in India as a student. He illustrates historical milestones in 1858 through images and stories. He references Twitter for humor, and then brings out a new "ecological and recyclable version" of the laser pointer before he gets started.



Rosling does it all: He delivers meaningful content, making it engaging and easy to understand for everyone in the audience. He uses visuals, props, quotes, analogies, demonstrations and personal references (his 100th birthday was a nice twist at the end). He's passionate! He builds anticipation for the big "reveal" of his prediction.

And he does it all in just over 15 minutes.

I think every speaker should watch Hans Rosling's TED talks at least once a month for inspiration. I'm not saying you should be Hans Rosling, or even similar to Hans Rosling. After all, there's only one Hans Rosling.

However, I do want you to understand that data is not inherently boring. Presenters are boring when they think they have no options for how to present data. But data itself is a tool, just like any other tool in a presentation. It's what you do with the numbers that makes the presentation effective -- or makes it just another "data dump" that puts your audience to sleep and doesn't teach them anything.

I want you to rethink the way you perceive your topic. I want you to take some time to think about what your core message is and what your audience hopes to get out of your presentation. I want to you stop coming up with excuses about why you can't give a better presentation.

Poverty and child mortality are hardly entertaining topics, yet Rosling always finds a way to get his message across, to report the numbers but also show the bigger picture, and to be accessible, authentic and memorable in the process.

You can see two more of his TED talks here.

Where to put your hands -- Harry Connick, Jr. style

Wondering what to do with your arms and hands? Do you think it feels weird to just rest them at your sides when not gesturing?

Take a lesson from veteran performer Harry Connick, Jr. Notice how comfortable he is with a minimum of movement throughout the performance. When the saxophone player starts his solo at about 1:44, you'll see Harry put both arms at his sides and wait patiently for the solo to end. He's incredibly laid-back, not rushing, not fidgeting.



Of course, if you're more "handsy" like I am, you may rarely take a rest! But be assured that it does not look weird or awkward to rest your hands at your sides.

Healing vocal strain, part 1

Last Thursday, I did something really stupid.

The five hours of coaching wasn't stupid, but I could feel my voice getting tired by the end of it.

Having dinner with two good friends wasn't stupid, but talking for two hours over the noise in a busy restaurant probably wasn't the best idea.

No, the stupid part was cranking up the music in my car and singing at the top of my lungs all the way home -- after the five hours of training and two hours of talking with friends.

The next morning, not only was my voice strained (although oddly not hoarse), but I had so injured my vocal cords that my neck was sore and tender. That night I could barely sleep, trying to find a comfortable position all night long that didn't hurt my neck or throat.

I've written before about how to protect your voice from strain, but now I realize that I've not written about what to do after a strain.

For part 1 of my vocal strain series, I asked speech therapist, vocal coach and author Joanna Cazden for her advice, and she shares her tips below. I am attempting to take Joanna's advice, especially about the voice rest. We'll see how long it takes for this to clear up completely! For those of us who make a living with our voices, it's imperative that we know not only how to prevent overuse, but what to do when it happens.

Take it away, Joanna!

First aid kit for vocal strain is:

(1) Vocal rest as much as possible; except

(2) Light easy humming on a medium pitch, or glides up and down, with very forward/nasal/buzzy feeling, for a few minutes every hour.

(3) Breathe steam for 10 minutes at least 2 times day (long showers, steam-room, steam-inhaler gizmo or etc.; NO aroma-therapy, just plain water).

(4) General self-care: stress-relief, healthy food and water, moderate exercise, massage/bodywork, prayer, sleep. NO weight lifting or ab work that involves holding your breath AT ALL.

If nothing improves at all in a couple of days, your voice actually hurts, or some level of hoarseness hangs on more than 2 weeks, see a laryngologist (ear-nose-throat MD who understands voice.)

Lots of ENTs specialize in other types of problems, so ask the best singers in your area whom they go to. A voice examination with just a little mirror is barely worth the time and cost; some kind of endoscope view is essential. The best voice docs have exam equipment called 'videostroboscopy,' so ask when you make the appointment.

Everyone who strains their voice wants to be able to drink something or take a pill to make it better. But vocal cords are part of the airway, so nothing that you eat or drink touches them!

Tea is not harmful, but the place it feels good is about an inch higher in your throat than where the voice is located. And painkilling lozenges and sprays just tempt you away from vocal rest. Silence, steam, and sleep are the real "magic pill," along with the very brief exercise above, which appears to speed up the healing process.

MOST IMPORTANT: Learn from the experience so it doesn't happen again!!! Cumulative wear-and-tear on the edges of vocal cords can lead to permanent thickening, scarring, and strain.

For more helpful information on voice care, check out Joanna's book, "How to Take Care of Your Voice: The Lifestyle Guide for Singers and Talkers."

Here are two of my previous posts on voice care:

Voice care #2: How's your pitch?

Voice care #3: Acoustics

You're trying too hard

There's a huge temptation on Twitter to reveal only the "super cool" aspects of what we're doing and who we are. I'm not immune, and it seems most of us Twitter users aren't.

How often do you edit the heck out of your tweets so you come across as witty and clever? How often do you write about something you're doing or reading because you think it sounds edgy or sophisticated? How many of you use big words or foreign words even though you know most people won't understand you?

You are trying too hard to be cool.

In a platform like Twitter, it's possible to get by never showing the world who you really are, because everything you say can be edited before it goes out. You are creating a character that the world perceives as "you." But is it? And do you want people to know the real "you" or the crafted "you?"

Now look at yourself on stage. Do you find yourself trying to portray your personality as funnier, wackier, more clever, more worldly, or smarter than your real self?

I've said before that you should always strive to be the best version of yourself onstage, and I stand by that. But what I'm talking about here is striving to be a version of yourself that you've never been -- and that isn't you.

It's really hard work -- and stressful -- to have to try so hard to impress an audience. And it's not necessary. Audiences don't want fake. And they can tell when you're trying too hard.

You don't have to have have the comedic genius of David Sedaris or the wacky style of Sarah Silverman. You don't have to be as smart as Malcolm Gladwell, as outgoing as Tony Robbins or as popular as Oprah.

All you need to do is be human. Be real. Be honest. Be the same person you are when you're happy, healthy, well-rested and loving life. Deliver the content the audience needs and wants, in an authentic way that makes your message memorable, and that motivates them to take action once they're back in their regular environment.

And that goes for Twitter, too!

Get out of the cage and own the stage!

Yesterday during group coaching, one of my group members identified a difference between one half of the group and the other, in reviewing their videotaped 3-minute presentations.

Half of the speakers seemed to have better projection, better stage presence and an overall more engaging presentation, while the other half of the presentations seemed less effective.

When we analyzed the differences, it came down to one basic factor: where the speakers were putting their attention.

The more effective speakers looked like this:

1. Tall, open posture

2. Heads up

3. Eye contact with the room

4. Natural, open gestures

The less effective speakers looked more like this:

1. Gestures small, close to body, or hands in pockets

2. Eyes down or looking at a place between speaker and audience

3. Standing small instead of tall posture and taking up space

Here's an interesting note. All of the more effective speakers were also perceived to have better projection and voice quality. We were in a small conference room which seats only about ten people, so how is it possible that even in a small room, some people's voices carry better?

Good posture leads to better breathing, which leads to better vocal projection. Good posture and open gestures also enable a speaker to take up more space, to "own the room." These speakers came across as more centered, more confident, better prepared and more accomplished, mostly because they took command of the room with their physical presence.

In putting their attention out to the room, out to the audience, they became connected with the audience. The other group of speakers gave more attention to the space immediately surrounding them and their notes, therefore closing off the energy to the rest of the room and creating an invisible barrier between them and the audience.

Last night on American Idol, judge Kara DioGuardi suggested to one of the contestants, Aaron, that he needs to bring more charisma to his performance. The songs performed on the show were all Sinatra hits, and Kara reminded Aaron that, while Sinatra was not tall, he "filled the stage" with his presence.

It seems that some people were just born with charisma and presence, and you either have it or you don't.

This is false.

Conveying confidence, conviction and assertiveness through your physical presence can be learned. You can learn how to own the room and fill the stage.

Start with your posture, tall, relaxed and open, facing the audience with your feet squared and your eyes forward. No slumping, slouching, hands in pockets or shifting back and forth on your feet. Learn how to ground yourself; it makes a huge difference.

Then look at your gestures. Are your movements small and uncertain or are they flowing and natural? They don't have to be "big" if that's not your style, but you don't want to look like you're wearing a straitjacket, either.

Keep your head up and your eyes out. When trying to remember something, it's tempting to look down at the floor or at the air in front of you. Don't do it! Keep your eyes out and forward.

Finally, give your attention to the audience. Be with them, not in front of them. Encompass them with your eyes and movements rather than creating a cage for yourself where you're standing. Embrace them with your eyes, voice and arms.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention that you also need a strong message and well-prepared content. All the charisma in the world will only momentarily cover up poor preparation and bad material.

You can fill the space with your presence, and demonstrate confidence and charisma. It takes awareness (so videotape yourself) and practice.

Get out of the cage and own the stage!

Fear makes you sharp

Before a mixed martial arts event the other night, fighter Matt Major was quoted saying, "I'm confident but insecure."

The commentator continued:

"A lot of guys, they try and kill their nerves, and go in there and go 'I'm not scared; I don't feel anything.' Well, a lot of times those nerves, that fear, will make you sharp. You'll see things before you would if you were calm."

So maybe you're not anticipating an audience member putting you in a rear naked choke, but your nerves, as demonstrated by professional and elite athletes over and over, are still a valuable tool on stage.

That extra adrenaline serves a purpose. It motivates you, makes you more alert, moves blood to your brain and muscles, makes your vision sharper. (It also shuts down digestion, leading to that dry mouth we all find so annoying.)

Try, instead of seeing nerves as something to be avoided, to reframe that adrenaline rush as something positive, something motivational -- a kick in the butt, if you will. Try using that adrenaline rush the way athletes use it. Adrenaline doesn't control an athlete; the athlete manages the adrenaline and the resulting physical sensations to push harder and do better.

So can you.

Read aloud to improve your delivery

Here's a quick tip for those of you who want to improve the expressiveness of your voices when giving presentations: Practice reading aloud.

This is an exercise I use with my clients who need help with bringing more color and clarity to their voices and speech. I use a couple of news stories, some wacky Monty Python dialogue, a couple of poems (one solemn and one nonsense), some emotion exercises and some children's books.

Reading aloud (and recording yourself, if you can) allows you to practice vocal variation and enunciation with different kinds of topics. Listening to the recording will let you hear where your voice and expression are strong and where you need some work.

Practice your volume -- loud and soft. Practice your pitch -- high and low. Practice your pace, sometimes speaking faster and sometimes slower. Practice pausing and silence. Practice putting emotion into your words. Children's books give you the most bang for your buck in the sense of using vocal variation to its maximum effect. If you have a child to read to, even better!

Reading aloud also allows you to practice and get better at sight reading, where your eyes move ahead of the words as you read and your reading becomes fluent and smooth. This is a difficult skill for a lot of people, yet we find ourselves being called upon to read aloud from time to time, and there's nothing worse than listening to a monotone voice reading one word at a time.

Reading aloud with good flow, expression, inflection and enunciation isn't easy, and sometimes it feels awkward, especially when reading to yourself. However, if your voice tends toward monotonous or if you have a hard time expressing yourself in front of an audience, reading aloud will be invaluable for the improvement of your delivery.

For more tips on improving your voice, check out these two books:

Speak to Influence: How to Unlock the Hidden Power of Your Voice and How to Take Care of Your Voice: The Lifestyle Guide for Singers and Talkers