"We use comedy as a sword and a shield..."

Photo: Paul Schiraldi/HBO

Here are some of my favorite entertainment quotes of the moment:

"We use comedy as a sword and a shield, and a medicine, but usually as a 'getting to know you.' We use comedy to break the ice. Are you like-minded? What can you take? What do you like?" ~ Ricky Gervais, in his standup show "Out of England 2"

"I am nothing if not falsely humble." ~ Jane Lynch, upon receiving the Golden Globe for her performance in "Glee"

"I used to introduce myself. Now I think it's rude. It's not about me." ~ Character Captain Tony Stone in "The Messenger"

One that's just plain silly:

"I never thought I'd be in a graveyard, in a spa robe, talking to a beautiful transvestite in the moonlight." ~ Character Jonathan Ames in "Bored to Death"

And a short clip from Ricky Gervais' latest show. Don't worry, it's clean. Happy Friday!

Using props to create a vibe

I attended a presentation the other night where the speaker took props to a whole new level.

Her topic was feng shui, and because it was a dinner event (serving Chinese food as part of the theme), she not only decorated her own space around the lectern, but also decorated the whole room!

Each table had carefully laid-out chopsticks, gold and red foil-wrapped chocolates (like Hanukkah gelt, but with Chinese characters), fortune cookies, and Asian-inspired paper napkins.

The ceiling was hung with Chinese lanterns, there were fans laid out across the back table, and the lectern was draped with a fabric that had Chinese writing on it.

One of her main points was that we should create the kind of vibe and feeling we want in our offices, even if it contradicts a feng shui principle. And there was definitely a vibe in the room.

She gave a lot of interesting feng shui tips, but best of all, she demonstrated her work by bringing it into the decor of the room. (One thing I learned was that, not only is my back-to-the-door desk placement not great for me, but the ceiling fan above my head only compounds the problem. Time to rearrange?)

Not knowing much about feng shui, I don't know if her decorations were merely for fun or if they had some significance, but either way, it was a nice touch and created some anticipation for the program well before it was time for her to speak.

I'm giving a training tomorrow in a room that the organizer has called "low-energy." I'm thinking of doing some research on how to bring up the energy in the room using feng shui principles (along with my toys that always travel with me).

I wonder what I can come up with before tomorrow at 8:00 a.m.! Any ideas? Share in the comments!

How to answer the dreaded question: "Tell us something about yourself"

Remember: They aren't judging you.

At the first meeting of any group, or at recurring meetings where there might be new members, there are always introductions.

And these introductions are dreaded by most of the people in the room, who find deep discomfort with having to talk about themselves, especially when the question is vague, like "Tell us something about yourself."

Why do we hate introducing ourselves? Some people are uncomfortable being the center of attention. Some don't know what to say. Some think they have nothing interesting to say. But in my experience, more people than not dislike introducing themselves in a group.

Contrary to popular belief, introducing yourself in a group is not the same thing as impromptu speaking, or speaking "off the cuff." You KNOW you will have to introduce yourself, and therefore you have the opportunity to prepare.

Plan your introduction in advance, using the following tips, and you will find your dread receding.

1. Prepare

What's the group about and what information would be relevant to them? If it's a business networking group, share how your business helps people. If it's a support group, share what brought you there. It's not complicated. Why are you there and what do you hope to accomplish?

Time yourself to make sure you're keeping it brief and concise. Keep your introduction to 30 seconds or less.

2. Connect

Mention something personal that will help others relate to and remember you. I might say that I was born in Santa Barbara (there aren't many of us around in my age group -- there's a bit of a "wow" factor), or that I have an 18-year-old kitty, or that I've been a vegetarian for 22 years. There's no need to get into deep secrets, but especially when the question is "tell us something about yourself," you have some freedom to express a little about who you are and what makes you unique.

3. Stand tall

Make eye contact, smile, and hold your head high. Good posture and eye contact demonstrate confidence and show that you're not embarrassed about who you are and what you have to say. And why should you be? You ROCK!

4. Show enthusiasm

Show your interest in the group, the topic, your work, or whatever it is you're sharing in your introduction. Be positive; people will want to get to know you better.

Now, the logistics.

When it's your turn, stand up. Do not start speaking until you are fully standing.

Smile.

Make eye contact with a couple of people.

Say your name.

State why you are in the group or what you hope to accomplish.

Share one or two things about yourself that you've prepared.

Finish speaking completely before you sit down.

There -- you're done!

That wasn't so hard, was it?

When you are joining a group or attending a meeting, you need to assume that there will be introductions. You have no excuse not to prepare. And once you have prepared yourself, you will find introductions much easier and much more comfortable in the future.

The mistake that everyone notices...

Interviewing Jeff Bridges on her show the other day, Ellen Degeneres asked if he felt a lot of pressure as the movie awards season heats up, with the expectation he'll receive several nominations for his role in True Grit. He said,

"I don't know ... the pressure of winning and losing doesn't pressurize me. The possibility of having to maybe get up and give a speech -- that's a little daunting."

He then goes on to tell Ellen about his acceptance speech at the BFCA Awards last year, where he repeatedly called his director, Scott Cooper, "Chris" Cooper.

Here's the story he told the Hollywood Reporter this month.

"There were a bunch of awards, and I was kind of numb. The weirdest one was the first, and I got up there and wanted to make sure I acknowledged Scott Cooper. But what did I do? I said, 'I’d like to acknowledge my great director: Chris Cooper!' And out of the audience I hear my wife yelling, 'Scott!' My God, it was my worst fear!"

But as he says in this Men's Journal interview, "That is such a thing you don't want to do. But then you realize that the worst possible thing has happened, the thing you feared the most, and you know what? It doesn't matter."

Most of our mistakes on stage are noticeable only to us. But sometimes we say or do something that can't be ignored. Do we freak out, hang our heads and die of shame? Of course not! We laugh it off, apologize if necessary, and move on.

May we all recover so philosophically from an embarrassing mistake on stage.

Would people tell you if you sucked?

In honor of the new season of American Idol, I bring you the first quote of season 10!

"I've been singing for years. I think people would tell me if I sucked." (By the way, he sucked.)

A lot of speakers truly don't know how they're doing, especially those with lots of experience who've been doing it for a long time. They are comfortable in their routines, comfortable with the applause and the polite smiles, and comfortable in the knowledge that they're being asked to speak, even if they're not getting repeat engagements with the same organizations. They probably don't suck, but they may be in denial about their effectiveness.

But how do you know? Will your family tell you? No way. Will your friends tell you? Maybe, but probably not. Will your employees tell you? Are you kidding?

Where can you get honest feedback that's not influenced by your relationship with the giver?

1. Anonymous evaluations

If you've never had your audience fill out evaluations, they're worth giving out now and then. A few simple questions will tell you a lot about your presentation: What worked, what didn't work, what would they like to learn more about?

Then, don't be too obsessed with the outcome. It's easy to dwell on the one or two low scores or negative comments out of 100, so don't take it too personally, but look at the evaluation as an opportunity to tailor your presentation even more to what the audience is looking for. Here's a compilation of responses from speakers about how they deal with a negative evaluation. And here are a couple of my previous posts about evaluations.

2. Videotape yourself

This works if you can be honest with yourself. My clients tend to discover that they're doing much better than they thought they were when they see themselves on video. At the same time, bad habits are very clear: distracting gestures, repetitive crutch phrases, movement without purpose. It's all plain to see when you watch video of yourself. Maybe if season 7 American Idol contestant Kyle Reinneck had videotaped himself before his audition, he wouldn't have been so surprised at the judges' response (Kyle is not the person I quoted at the top of this post. Kyle could be better, but he doesn't suck).



3. Hire a coach

Elite athletes at the top of their game still rely on coaches to help them refine their skills and get the most out of their natural abilities. A speaking coach can do the same for you, and will be the most neutral party you can find to give you feedback on your content and delivery. Here's a great post on why someone hires a coach. Favorite line: "You hire a coach because you recognize that the best investment can make in your future is in you." I've heard of speaking coaches who are downright mean, but a good coach will never humiliate you or try to discourage you.

Don't live in denial -- use these tools to find out if you suck. You probably don't, but wouldn't it be nice to know for sure?

Small talk, big payoff

Small talk central at an SB tweetup

During the holidays, I reposted my article "How to Mix and Mingle Your Way Through the Dreaded Holiday Party". A friend, after reading the article, commented about how much she dislikes small talk. Here's our Twitter conversation, edited to make it more readable:

Friend: Am I to understand from your blog that, "What did you think about last night's city council appointment?" is not a good icebreaker?

Me: Yes, that's typically not good party conversation. :-)

Friend: Life is not worth the small talk. Saying things like "Which dessert will you have?" just KILLS me.

Me: Small talk leads to bigger talk. You have to start somewhere, and not everyone is comfortable digging deep in the first five minutes they meet you.

Friend: But then again, that's why I'm a little awkward.

Me: Exactly, re: awkward. Believe me, I used to have the same attitude about small talk, and to some degree I still do. But IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.

Readers of this blog have heard this from me before: It's not about you. And the point I was trying to make with my friend was that, it doesn't matter if small talk makes you uncomfortable or if you think it's pointless. In a networking or other social situation (if you don't want to alienate everyone you talk to), it's your responsibility to make the OTHER person comfortable.

Last night I held the first session of my six-week group coaching program. As the group members went around the table introducing themselves, one person's comment about small talk resonated with me.

Once again, here was someone uncomfortable with small talk (really, aren't we all?). But her attitude was about overcoming this discomfort. She said, "I want to care about small talk."

This is what small talk is all about, and it's simple: caring about another person, their dogs, their kids, their life. It's about showing interest in another person, and putting aside your own need -- for the moment, at least -- to be the center of attention, to demonstrate your cleverness or intellect, or to declare your opinions and beliefs.

Small talk is like dipping your toe into the pool, not jumping right into the deep end. It's like jogging around the track one or two times before you start your intense workout. And there's a good reason for it.

Debra Fine, in her book, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How To Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills -- and Leave a Positive Impression!, says:

"Small talk has a bad rap as the lowly stepchild of real conversation, yet it serves an extremely important function. Without it, you rarely get to the real conversation. Small talk is the icebreaker that clears the way for more intimate conversation, laying the foundation for a stronger relationship. People who excel at small talk are experts at making others feel included, valued and comfortable. And that goes a long way toward furthering a business relationship, closing a deal, opening the door for romance, or making a friend."

If you want to get better at small talk and reduce your discomfort, read my tips in the article mentioned above, or get Debra Fine's book. And understand that, if you want to build personal and business relationships, small talk is a necessary part of that process. It's the best (and only) shortcut to deeper, more meaningful, discourse.

Public Speaking: Beginning at the End

As I'm out of town for a few days, I thought I'd offer you a guest post by Dr. Gary Rodriguez, author of Purpose Driven Public Speaking and the CEO of Leader Metrix. It speaks to one of my core requirements of public speaking: always know your objective.

Enjoy this post, and I'll be back at my desk Wednesday!

Public Speaking: Beginning at the End

Once you choose a subject, you are ready to think about the goal of your talk.
Many presenters wait far too long to think about their desired outcome, so once you know what you are going to talk about, it’s time to consider what you hope to accomplish.

Beginning at the end will foster what might be called “purpose driven talk.” However, this requires that you know your objective before you get too far into your preparation. Just as a train needs a destination and a track, so our talks need a purpose and a structure. The purpose determines our goal while the structure maps our course.

As a ten-year-old boy, I raised pigeons in the backyard of our small home in Daly City, California. I still remember building the pigeon coop and getting it ready for my first birds. When that day arrived, I discovered there was a lot to learn about pigeons, and I found out that there were different kinds of pigeons as well. Back then, I thought all pigeons were alike, but they aren’t. After careful investigation, I chose two different kinds of pigeons to take home. One breed was called “rollers,” the other “homers.” Rollers are trick pigeons that actually do tumbles in the air, while homers are unique birds that can be trained to find their way home, even from great distances.

In time, the homing pigeons won me over. They were fascinating creatures. The pigeon coop I built had a little opening that served as a door that was simply a bent-wire coat hanger. The door was designed so the birds could go in the coop but not come out of it.

The homing pigeons were trained in an interesting way. A few times a day, I held the pigeons outside the cage and then gently nudged them back into it through the little one-way door. After doing this repeatedly for a few days, I would take a pigeon out of the coop, walk a few yards away and let it go. This was a great exercise in faith for a little boy. Part of me wondered if they might not just fly away and never return. Actually, the pigeons would fly off for a while. Yet, eventually to my delight, they would return to the small perch that sat in front of the coat hanger door. After awhile, they would walk through the little door into the cage just the way they had been trained. In time, I could take them miles away, let them go, and they would miraculously return home every time.

Homing pigeons and presenters have this in common: they both need to learn where home is before they can be released. The pigeon’s home is a coop. The presenter’s home is a predetermined desired outcome, and it is this well thought-out objective that makes the presentation “purpose driven.”

Early on, presenters must determine exactly how they want to finish by deciding what they hope their audience will do in response to their talk. That is why it is so critical that you begin with your focus on the end. Without a clearly defined objective up front, you are likely to stray off course. It is no fun to climb the ladder and then realize it is leaning against the wrong wall.

Know What You Want To Happen

Suppose you were running for a public office. And let’s say you were slated to give a fifteen-minute speech. After analyzing your audience, you should be ready to decide on your desired outcome. Is it to give a good speech? (That may be good, but it is not best.) Is your goal to sell your particular political ideology? (Of course, but again, while that may be on target, it’s not a bull’s-eye.)

Ultimately, your real objective here would be “to get votes.” Once you have arrived at this conclusion, it becomes your home base, your destination, your driving purpose, your desired outcome. Knowing your true goal will help you stay focused on what you need to say and what you eventually want your audience to do — in this case, get them to vote for you.

Speaking without a purpose is pointless. It is like running a race without a finish line. On the other hand, when you have taken the time to pinpoint your purpose, your whole talk will reflect it. Your introduction, key points, illustrations, application(s), and conclusion will all support this end goal.

When you begin with purpose, passion is sure to follow!

Inspired to speak: The King's Speech

When's the last time you watched a suspense movie about a speech therapist who saves the day? The suspense is not "Will he stop the villains from dropping the bomb and decimating New York City?!" but rather, "Will the king give the speech without stuttering?"

An inspiring and moving film, The King's Speech tells the story of the reluctant king, George VI, in the years leading up to his coronation and first major speech of World War II, and the man who helps him overcome his fearful approach to speaking (and life).

Lionel Logue, the struggling speech therapist with no credentials but "a great deal of nerve," takes the case of Albert (aka "Bertie") the Duke of York, who has managed to successfully remain in the shadows of his father, King George V, and his older brother and successor to the throne, Edward.

A couple of fateful events conspire to drive Bertie into the limelight.

First is the advent of "wireless," where now every royal speech is broadcast to the public with the result being, as the king laments, "We've become actors." When the anxious Bertie gives the closing remarks at the British Empire Exhibition at Wembley, it becomes painfully clear that this head of state will be a laughingstock if his stammering and nervousness are not extinguished.

Then the king dies, and with a reign of only 325 days, brother Edward VIII abdicates the throne, finally thrusting Bertie into the dreaded role of king.

There are some recurring themes in this movie, themes which, coincidentally, have influenced much of my writing on this blog.

1. Confidence

Lionel Logue is loaded with confidence. He may not have credentials, and he may be happily poor, but when it comes to his clients, there is no doubt he can help them. When he discovers that "Mr. Johnson" is actually the Duke of York, it does not change his mantra of "My game, my turf, my rules." He insists upon equality with his clients (he calls them patients), no matter who they are.

Bertie, on the other hand, has not a shred of confidence. Having grown up ridiculed because of his stuttering, and having suffered many other indignities because of illness and other perceived weaknesses, he sees himself as unworthy of an audience, much less a kingdom.

How does Lionel help Bertie build his confidence? You'll have to watch. :-)

2. Fear and courage

As Lionel tells his wife, Bertie is "afraid of his own shadow." Through physical exercise, breathing, conversation and a variety of (sometimes questionable) techniques, Lionel guides Bertie through the process of facing his fear, his frustration, his setbacks, and his ultimate responsibility. When Bertie and his wife, Elizabeth, first hear his recorded voice, overcoming Bertie's challenges begins to seem possible.

3. Faith and belief

Lionel first developed his methods with shell-shocked soldiers. He had no training, but found that the most important aspect of his work was to give them "faith in their own voices." Through his work, his studies of public speaking and acting, and through his own intuition, he developed methods to help those with impaired speech.

Lionel demonstrates rock-solid faith in his methods, as they have worked for his patients for more than 30 years. Bertie, however, has much work to do to find his own faith in himself; yet without faith in his words, his voice and his abilities, he will be unable to successfully rule. The moment Bertie blurts out "Listen to me... Because I have a voice!" is a startling and satisfying one.

What does it take for Bertie to believe in himself? You'll have to watch!

4. Trust and safety

The issue of trust is woven throughout the story. Trust between Lionel and Bertie, trust between Bertie and his wife, trust within the royal family, and trust between the king and his people. Bertie does not feel safe, he does not have trust, and without these, it's difficult for him to move forward and make progress. Lionel slowly gains Bertie's trust and friendship, allowing Bertie to open up and explore the personal issues that have contributed to his stammering.

All relationships, whether personal or professional, are based on trust. Without it, there's a precarious sense of being at risk, uncertain, uncomfortable. We have to trust ourselves and others in order to feel fully comfortable expressing our ideas and opinions.

5. Practice

Ha! Did you think there was going to be a magical solution to Bertie's stuttering and fear of speaking? Not a chance! Bertie practices his speeches and vocal exercises for at least an hour a day in order to improve, build confidence and retrain his mind and mouth. He is dedicated, and he understands the value of commitment in order to work through his difficulties. There is no easy answer in this story.

I found Bertie's tension and anxiety during his speeches nearly unbearable; the movie does an excellent job of recreating the suspense and anticipation with brilliant acting and dramatic music. I felt as though I were the one giving the most important speech of my career!

I also enjoyed the many intuitive methods Lionel used with Bertie, from the common sense requirement that Bertie quit smoking, to a vocal exercise that, well, let's just say you'll want to cover your children's ears. Lionel's tricks are often just as simple as turning off the red light in the radio sound booth (indicating on-air), so as to reduce Bertie's mental stress. "We don't want that evil eye staring at you all the way through," he says.

At its core, this movie is about relationships, trust and transformation. It's beautifully filmed, powerfully acted, with plenty of humor and plenty of dramatic suspense. Everything I love in a movie, and about public speaking, too! I walked away feeling incredibly motivated to give a great speech. I hope others feel inspired to speak (or face any major challenge) after watching The King's Speech.

Sign up now for Tuesday's Q&A call!

Quick reminder: The next AskLisaB coaching Q&A call is January 11 -- have you submitted your question?

If you'd like to know what the calls are like, you can get a free taste here.

Sign up now to participate in the next call at 10 a.m. PST on Tuesday, January 11. Then mark your calendars for the same time on the second Tuesday of each month.

And... You don't have to be live on the call -- all subscribers will receive a recording and all resource materials after the call. So if this isn't in your time zone or you have a prior commitment, it's all okay!

In December, questions answered included how to exude confidence, standing out in the crowd, speaking off the cuff, and the "right" number of slides.

How I lost it and got it back again -- and how you can, too. Part 4

It's a complex organ, that crazy brain

I've appreciated all the comments and e-mails I've received from readers in the year since I started my panic attack series, and I wanted to give you a final update (at least here on the blog) and share how things are going, now two years past the date of what I affectionately refer to as "my nervous breakdown." (Catch up by reading parts 1, 2, and 3.) For those of you who also experience panic attacks, this may sound familiar to you.

2010 was all about acceptance. Or resignation? Let's go with acceptance.

There was the presentation I gave where, as the conference room doors closed behind me, I was suddenly overcome with panic and the urge to flee. I started to jump out of my chair. For what? Maybe to pop a quick Ativan? Problem was, the host was already introducing me and my bag was directly behind him.

Instead I turned around and quietly asked the person who closed the door if he could open it a little "for some air." I managed to get up -- like I always do -- and knock down the presentation.

There was that time when seven of us crammed ourselves into a minivan for a ride from the hotel to the conference, when I became overwhelmed with fear and had to do everything I could, mentally and physically, to keep from leaping out of the car. I ran down my calming measures:

Bottle of water (my #1 security blanket)? Check. Lean forward so I'm not cramped by the others around me? Check. Tell myself there's plenty of space and it's only a short drive? Check. Distract myself with conversation? Check. Breathe? Check.

There was the time, standing outside on a hot day, waiting for an event to begin, that I thought I would flip out if I didn't get out of the heat and find something to drink. After some respite in a shady spot, I headed to the women's restroom to splash water on my face. On the way, I found a vending machine with bottled water. Saved.

By the way, I totally get how silly this probably sounds to someone who doesn't get panic attacks. Anxiety from being too hot? Believe me, I get it. It seems like a ridiculous amount of overreaction to a minor discomfort. Yep, that's exactly what it is. Completely irrational. And that's why it sucks so much.

There was also the time when I sat at a table in the middle of a hot, noisy, crowded restaurant (the kind of place that first set me off 20 years ago), and I tested myself. "Gee, it's hot in here," I told myself. "It's awfully crowded." Knowing that these are typical triggers for me, I poked and prodded myself mentally. "Are you hot? Are you claustrophobic? Can you stand the noise and the crowd?" And the answer was yes. I felt completely fine and in control.

2010 was all about discovering who I am now, acknowledging myself as a person with panic attacks, and how I deal with that reality and live my life knowing there could be a trigger around every corner -- but also getting on with life and not thinking about it every minute!

There was a period of months in 2010 when I thought I might have licked the attacks. But that just wasn't the case. When I found myself too busy, too stressed, with too little sleep and exercise, it was almost a guarantee that I would, with the right trigger, get punched in the gut with that familiar electric jolt that makes me want to jump out of my skin.

So now I test myself. As in the example above, I check in with myself when I'm in a situation that would be a typical trigger: hot, noisy, claustrophobic, crowded, enclosed. How do I feel? Am I going to be caught off-guard by my circumstances and freak out? What are my options? Can I go outside? Can I drink some water? Can I find a space to clear my head? This has proven to be a successful tactic, and 100% of the time, when I check in with myself this way, I prevent an attack.

But there are still those times when I'm hit with that unexpected body blow. And this is enough of a threat to keep my anxiety quietly revving in the background (sometimes the anticipatory anxiety -- the anxiety about potential anxiety -- is worse than the panic attack).

In a heavy rainstorm, hubby made an offhand comment/joke about our water-damaged ceiling caving in. Something about the idea of the ceiling, water pooled into a small reservoir waiting to burst, sent me flying from the couch into a familiar pattern of agitated pacing, looking for escape. Fear of drowning? The burdensome image of heavy water over my head? I don't know, but once again I was startled by the intensity of the physical reaction, before my brain even had time to think.

This is the lizard brain at work, the part of the brain that processes emotions and controls autonomic (involuntary) responses associated with fear. Here's a little science for you:

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"­The brain is a profoundly complex organ. More than 100 billion nerve cells comprise an intricate network of communications that is the starting point of everything we sense, think and do. Some of these communications lead to conscious thought and action, while others produce autonomic responses. The fear response is almost entirely autonomic: We don't consciously trigger it or even know what's going on until it has run its course.

Because cells in the brain are constantly transferring information and triggering responses, there are dozens of areas of the brain at least peripherally involved in fear. But research has discovered that certain parts of the brain play central roles in the process:

Thalamus - decides where to send incoming sensory data (from eyes, ears, mouth, skin)
Sensory cortex - interprets sensory data
Hippocampus - stores and retrieves conscious memories; processes sets of stimuli to establish context
Amygdala - decodes emotions; determines possible threat; stores fear memories
Hypothalamus - activates "fight or flight" response

­T­he process of creating fear begins with a scary stimulus and ends with the fight-or-flight response." ~ Discovery Health

And more:

"According to the Public Health Service, about 50% of mental problems reported in the U.S. (other than those related to substance abuse) are accounted for by the anxiety disorders, including phobias, panic attacks, post-traumatic stress disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and generalized anxiety. Research into the brain mechanisms of fear help us understand why these emotional conditions are so hard to control.

Neuroanatomists have shown that the pathways that connect the emotional processing system of fear, the amygdala, with the thinking brain, the neocortex, are not symmetrical -- the connections from the cortex to the amygdala are considerably weaker than those from the amygdala to the cortex.

This may explain why, once an emotion is aroused, it is so hard for us to turn it off at will. The asymmetry of these connections may also help us understand why psychotherapy is often such a difficult and prolonged process -- it relies on imperfect channels of communication between brain systems involved in cognition and emotion." ~ LeDoux Laboratory

Check out this fascinating and easy to understand series of articles about the brain and fear!

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As 2010 went on, and I became familiar with this new reality, it finally dawned on me that I'm done trying to fix it. I've done all the work I can do, I've got more tools than ever, I've researched the heck out of this thing, I'm healthier and stronger than I was two years ago, and infinitely more self-aware thanks to the excellent work of my therapist. Maybe my panic attacks will never go away. And you know what? Lots of people have physical and emotional baggage and "issues" -- and this is mine.

I realized then that it was time. Time to stop therapy, time to stop analyzing every instance of anxiety, and time to acknowledge that this is the way it's going to be.

I had my last appointment with my therapist almost two years to the day that I started seeing her.

I don't avoid the places or situations that trigger my attacks (oh, how I wish I could avoid the MRI machine...). Avoidance just makes anxiety more powerful. I keep going back, keep testing myself, keep pushing myself to focus on my tools.

Freaked out in Pirates of the Caribbean in 2009... conquered it in 2010. Avoided elevators in 2009... piece of cake in 2010. I hate crowds, but I immerse myself in them. I'm uncomfortable in hot stuffy rooms, but half of my presentations take place in them!

My prevention tools are plenty of sleep, healthy eating, exercise, positive attitude, and avoiding stress. My in-the-moment tools are water, coolness, space, movement, thought-stopping, distraction, and as a last resort, Ativan. (I wrote in more detail about these tools in Part 2.)

It's been a fascinating learning experience and a window into my own psyche and the brains of so many others who share this disorder (or condition, or whatever you want to call it).

For the first time since December 2008, I'm not in any kind of treatment for panic attacks. It would be heaven to be completely free of them and maybe I will be one day. But for now, I'm happy, I'm healthy, and I'm in control of my life -- and I'm okay with this one minor annoyance that pops up now and again.

Thanks for reading this series and I hope that, whatever your challenge is, you'll face it head-on and gain strength from the fight.

Previous posts in the series:

Part 1 Falling apart
Part 2 Tools and techniques
Part 3 Meds and moving on

21 tips to improve your presentations right now

Adding to one's public speaking "bag of tricks" is a constant effort. In order to continually improve, we are always trying new techniques, practicing new skills, adding or subtracting technology and tools, watching other speakers to see what's working for them, and of course, watching our audiences to see how they're responding.

Here are some things you can try this year to improve your skills, your timing, your confidence, your connection, and your overall effectiveness.

Take a lesson from my colleague Del Heglund, who has decided to start singing his 30-second introductions (aka commercials) at our networking meetings: He is not afraid to try new things, especially if it will make him more memorable than the next guy!

1. Videotape or audio record yourself. Then watch and critique with sound on and sound off.

2. Smile more.

3. Use a countdown timer.

4. Give yourself an extra week to practice.

5. Come early and leave late.

6. Check your venue in advance.

7. Ask yourself: "What would I like to see and hear if I were an audience member?"

8. Embrace your uniqueness.

9. Focus on connection, not perfection. (And here are 9 ways to do it.)

10. Bring props.

11. Lose the jargon, clichés and overused business lingo. (Here are the most overused buzzwords in LinkedIn members' profiles.)

12. Find more ways to practice your speaking. Make opportunities if they are not falling into your lap.

13. Tell more stories.

14. Try adding humor.

15. Stop wasting the audience's time with grandiose thanks and intros at the beginning of your presentation.

16. Anticipate questions the audience will ask and prepare for them.

17. Adopt the practice of One idea per slide. Not ten tiny bullet points. One idea per slide.

18. And while you're at it, here are five ways to stop reading from your slides.

19. Make your ideas more sticky.

20. Punch up your openings and closings.

21. Encourage audience involvement. Give opportunities for participation, activities, movement and questions.

Pick one or a couple of these to focus on over the next couple of months to freshen up and add some shine to your old routine.