Pick my brain

Because it is technically a page, not a post, you may not have seen the newest addition to my blog, my "Yes, you can pick my brain" page.

I created this page in response to the many requests I get to "pick my brain" about how to become a public speaking coach. Because it takes a lot of time to answer these questions, and because many of the questions are repeated over and over, I decided to make a page where I could update the questions and answers regularly in one place, and anyone can read them.

Feel free to send me your questions, and if they are universal and general enough to benefit lots of my readers, I will answer and add them to the page.

Death of a hamster: a well-told story

Graham Norton typically ends his talk show with a a storyteller in his red chair. If Graham (or a guest) deems the story to be unsatisfactory or told poorly, he pulls a lever and the storyteller is tipped out of the chair backwards. I'm always rooting for the storyteller to have a good enough story to be allowed to walk away.

Check out Jake's story about the loss of a pet hamster. In under a minute he is able to tell a story that has all the elements needed to keep the audience's interest. It's crisply told, in a simple, well-organized chronology; it's emotionally engaging; it's funny; it's memorable; and it has a twist at the end. And Jake gets up and walks away!



If you can't see the video here, view it on YouTube.

Same topic, two different approaches

Two speakers, same topic.

One speaker sticks to the facts, shows bullet points, disdains emotions, and doesn't interact, crisply and efficiently dispatching her presentation.

The other speaker gets excited, gets angry, laughs. Her slides have images which evoke feelings in the audience. She involves the audience, bringing them into her world and exploring theirs.

Two presentations: same topic, but different outcome.

You can stick to the bare-bones-get-it-over-with-just-the-facts-ma'am philosophy of public speaking, or you can make it something enjoyable and memorable for yourself and for the audience.

Which audience is checking their watch and their e-mail the whole time?

Which audience is learning and retaining more?

Which audience is going to be motivated to do something when they leave?

Which speaker is going to have a better time, get better reviews, and get asked back?

Here's a visual example of the same topic presented in a bare-bones unemotional fashion vs. an engaging, interesting, artistic fashion: skateboard deterrents.

Skateboarders will attempt to jump and do tricks on just about any surface, so communities have taken to adding bumps, protrusions and divots in and on public benches and curbs to keep skateboarders from damaging the surfaces.

Some of these deterrents are just plain ugly and add nothing to the environment: just the facts, ma'am:

Some of them are beautiful and enhance the environment:

Bench design and image: Bryce Miranda

Image: smithamb92

If you're going to put something on a bench or curb to keep skateboarders off, why not make it something that enhances the experience of passersby? Why not add to the environment rather than detract from it?

The turtle bump and the utilitarian serrated divot serve the exact same purpose, but one makes us go "Yuck," while the other makes us go, "Yay!"

If you have to give a presentation anyway, no matter how utilitarian the topic, why not make it a good time and an enriching experience for everyone, including yourself? Would you rather have your audience go, "Yuck," "Yawn," or "Yay?"

(More images to come; I love the creativity of the "good" skateboard bumps!)

Moving sale! 20% off select public speaking coaching services through August 4!

I'm moving. It's pretty momentous. Hubby and I have been living in the same place for 19 years. It's been a sweet home for us and our kitties, but we've grown out of it. On August 6, we're moving into a place that actually has a separate room for my office. And two bathrooms -- one bathroom for each of us!

But along with the excitement of moving comes expense. We are renters and you know what that means: first + last + deposit + movers + new furniture to fit the bigger space = CASHOLA!

So I'm having a special moving sale through August 4 to raise funds for my move! Check out my services page on my site, and anywhere you see a PayPal button, I'm offering 20% off the regular price of that service.

If you've been thinking about getting some coaching or some help with a PowerPoint, having me review one of your presentations, or taking me up on my mentoring package, now is the time!

It's a win-win: I get my moving expenses covered and you get a great deal on a variety of services! But act quickly -- there are only 15 days until August 4!

Letters I wish I had written

Every now and then, I come across a blog post by another speaking expert and say to myself, "Why didn't I think of that?" Scott Berkun's open letter to conference organizers and open letter to speakers caused that reaction. The two letters say everything I would have said, had I written them.

Excerpt from the letter to conference organizers:

"It's challenging to fill an afternoon with great speakers, much less a 5 day, 3 track program. But it’s commonly forgotten in your trade, or by your sponsors, that speakers are the center of your event. They are the core of the agenda. They are what you advertise. And it’s what speakers promise to teach that gets people to pay to come. Yet once signed up to speak, they are often an afterthought, neglected behind the other critical tasks organizers have to manage."

Excerpt from the letter to speakers:

"6. There is nothing inspiring about winging it. If you paid $50 to see a show, would you want to see the actors and musicians winging it? You’d call them unprofessional. It’s not only disrespectful, your gamble is obvious to everyone in the room. Why speak if you’re only going to do it half-assed? Say No instead. All good speakers practice more than you think. Their carefree vibe is the result of hard-work, not the lack of it."

Read and enjoy!

Why didn't I say that?

Do you ever get to the end of a presentation and start kicking yourself because you didn't say things you wanted to say? There are a lot of reasons this might happen, but guess what the number one reason is: Lack of preparation! (Did you really think I was going somewhere else with this?)

I've heard some presentations recently where the speakers were clearly unprepared. The presentations weren't necessarily bad, but I could just tell that the speakers were making it up as they went along. When they were told they had two minutes left, they seemed surprised and had to scramble to fit in the rest of the information they wanted to cover, because they had spent eight minutes rambling fairly aimlessly.

When you have a limited amount of time to speak (and who doesn't?), you want to make sure you're getting your core message and most critical and valuable information to your audience. The only way to ensure this happens is to prepare in advance!

At minimum, you should:

1. Think about what your audience is going to want to learn and find valuable and relevant.

2. Write down some notes based on this, covering three main points in a logical sequence.

3. Practice several times so you know how much time the presentation takes and so you are sure that you're covering all the points you want to make.

This is a drastically abbreviated version of what you should do to prepare for a presentation, but what I'm trying to say here is this: If you don't get your message across, you have only yourself to blame. Why waste any speaking opportunity by throwing something together at the last minute, or worse, not preparing at all?

Do you want people to understand how you can help them? Do you want people to feel intrigued enough to call you later, hire your service or buy your product? Do you want people to tell their friends about you?

If you are kicking yourself later because you forgot to say something important, something that could lead to one of the previously mentioned outcomes, is it because you were winging it? Is it because you hadn't taken the time to figure out what your important points even were?

Don't throw away any speaking engagement. You have an audience. You have their ear and their attention. Make the most of it: Prepare!

Plank for peace: Jimmy Kimmel interviews Rosario Dawson

I loved this interview of Rosario Dawson by Jimmy Kimmel, not just because of the planking, which I find hilarious, but because of her entire demeanor and attitude of fun. She's animated, she tells stories, she's interesting, she's clearly having fun, and she has a great sense of humor.

It's refreshing to see a celebrity who doesn't take herself so seriously or is so worried about what people think of her that she can't have a little silly fun with something like planking.

(Pardon the ads up front)

Presentation strategies for women -- but not men?

This article has been selected for DeFinis Communications' “Top Presentation Strategies for Women” Blog Carnival. See the rest of the contributors here.

For this blog carnival, I agreed to write about the topic, "Presentation Strategies for Women." So let me ask you this: How many articles have you read titled, "Presentation Strategies for Men?" Yep, that's what I thought. Why do we single out women as needing special advice? This bothers me, and not just in regard to public speaking.

In Western culture, men have long been considered the "norm," and women, by virtue of not being men, have been considered "abnormal" or "deficient." I won't go into the social psychology behind measuring women against men, but I do recommend Carol Tavris' book, The Mismeasure of Women: Why Women Are Not the Better Sex, the Inferior Sex, or the Opposite Sex, a book that explores this in depth. Tavris says,

"The perception of female otherness occurs in every field, as we are learning from critical observers in science, law, medicine, history, economics, social science, literature and art. In medicine, students learn anatomy and physiology and separately, female anatomy and physiology; the male body is anatomy-itself. In art, we have works of general excellence and, separately, works by women artists, generally regarded as different and lesser; male painters represent art-itself. In literature, a college course on "black female writers of the twentieth century" is considered a specialized seminar; yet when an English instructor at Georgetown University called her course "white male writers," it was news, because the works of white male writers are regarded as literature-itself. In psychoanalysis, Freud took the male as the developmental norm for humanity, regarding female development as a pale and puny deviation from it."

Women are supposedly too emotional, not confident, too reticent; we don't have a commanding presence and can't be taken seriously in leadership roles, among other things, all apparently the opposite of what men do, the opposite of what's normal, good and desirable.

By continuing to write about these alleged weaknesses of women presenters, we perpetuate negative perceptions and assumptions about women as speakers and leaders. We perpetuate the myth that women (because of either birth or gender socialization -- we'll never know) need to be fixed.

I work with individuals, and they all have unique characteristics, personalities, flaws, strengths, and needs. I couldn't possibly categorize or stereotype them and give blanket advice.

Whether you're a man or a woman, the same basic principles apply to presenting, so allow me to share some of my favorite tips for a successful presentation, and you can tell me if you think these are more valid for women or men.

1. Learn about your audience and venue in advance.

This allows you to adjust your presentation to the space and to the audience's needs, and to bring appropriate equipment and handouts.

2. Prepare a strong opening and closing.

Grab their attention with a powerful story or inviting question, and close with a call to action – what do you want them to do as a result of your presentation?

3. Engage the audience; ask open-ended questions and invite their participation and knowledge.

It helps the audience learn, and also shows you respect and value them.

4. Lose the jargon.

Jargon is boring and overused, and can create a barrier between you and the audience when they don’t understand, or when you seem to be trying to appear smarter than them.

5. Don’t stress about fillers.

"Um" and "uh" are natural parts of conversation and are only problems in presentations when overused to the point of distraction -- usually because you're unprepared.

6. If you're using equipment (like a projector or microphone), always check it first to make sure it’s working properly.

7. Show your true, authentic self.

Forget about trying to impress people, playing it safe and worrying about what people think of you. Allow your unique personality and style to shine through. This allows the audience to relate to you as a person.

8. Demonstrate enthusiasm for your topic.

Enthusiasm is contagious; if you’re not excited about the topic, how can you expect the audience to be?

9. Make it about the audience.

"What's in it for them?" should be your main focus – put the needs of the audience above your own concerns and insecurities.

10. Keep practicing and taking (and making) as many speaking opportunities as you can; it's the best way to improve your skills.

I'd like to stop trying to figure out how to fix women, and instead look at what all speakers can do to give better presentations. Confidence, engagement, authenticity, connection, presence: Men and women alike want to achieve these goals, and neither gender can claim dominance in any one area when it comes to satisfying an audience.

Worst PowerPoint slide contest

Here's a "worst PowerPoint" contest that will give you a giggle.

And the grand prize goes to...

The rest are pretty bad, too. What do you think? Have you seen worse?

Always bring your A game

Best Benedict in town at Savoy Cafe

My husband and I used to have breakfast on Sunday mornings at a local restaurant. We loved the food, the service, the atmosphere, and being "regulars." Then some things changed in our schedules and we started going on Saturdays instead. Something was different... Service was slower, orders came out wrong more often. Why so frequently on Saturdays, but so rarely on Sundays?

Hubby called it "the B team." Having worked in the food industry for decades, my husband was well aware of how restaurants and retail stores staffed their shifts. Saturday was not as busy a day for breakfast as Sunday, so the newbies and slackers worked Saturday and the veterans (the A team), due to seniority and the ability to handle bigger crowds, worked Sunday.

And the customers aren't the only ones who suffered. As long as the B team brought the lesser game, they also got fewer shifts and smaller (or nonexistent) tips.

The poor service and the coinciding opening of a restaurant (that served breakfast) by a friend of ours caused us to stop patronizing our original breakfast place. Sometimes I miss going there, but unless we switch back to Sundays, we can be pretty sure we'll always get the B team, bringing their B game. And the B game just isn't good enough.

Have you ever justified not preparing or practicing for a speaking engagement by telling yourself, "It's only going to be a few people" or "None of the bigwigs will be there" or "I'm doing it for free"? In essence saying, "This is a B gig and I'm bringing my B game."

It doesn't matter how big or small your audience is, or whether you're getting paid or not, or whether someone "important" is attending (or whether it's Tuesday at 3:00 or Sunday brunch), you always have to bring your A game.

Why does it matter?

1. Every audience deserves your best. They are giving you their time and maybe their money to come hear you speak. They are hoping they are using their time wisely to learn something new or gain some new, valuable insight. Don't disappoint them.

2. Every speaking engagement is a chance for you to improve your skills and confidence. Why waste this opportunity by throwing away your presentation?

3. You never know who your audience members will talk to. So no bigwigs are there, or there are only a few people. If you do a good job, you will likely be recommended to other groups, where maybe you will be noticed by someone important or someone who can pay you. Do a half-ass job, and you can guarantee that no one in the audience will refer you or offer you another gig.

Always give your audience your best, no matter who it is. Bringing your B game will only bring you B engagements (whatever that means to you: non-paying, low-profile, low respect, etc.). Bringing your A game even to B engagements will earn you respect, for one, and consistently better gigs.

What can a speaker learn from a tattoo artist?

Tattoo artists must be some of the most confident professionals out there, along with firefighters and astronauts. Imagine how confident you must be in your abilities to touch a needle to someone's skin and leave a permanent mark!

Here are a few lessons a speaker can learn from a tattoo artist.

A tattoo artist must...

1. ... merge the client's wishes with what the artist knows will actually be a good tattoo

When I got my second tattoo, I brought a tiny Celtic border design that I had put together from a couple of online sources. It was red with a black outline. The tattoo artist looked at it and said, "It's too small." He explained that, in this intricate design, the colors would bleed together over time if the lines were not spaced farther apart. He also suggested a color change, adding a yellow highlight to make the design look more 3-D.

He knew exactly what would look right and what would last, and even though I thought I knew what I wanted, he persuaded me that his idea was better. And he was right!

As a speaker, you're the expert. You've been invited to speak because you have knowledge, skills or perspective that your audience can learn from. You must be persuasive and convincing in your arguments while also listening to and respecting the audience's point of view. It's not always easy, especially when speaking on controversial or difficult subject matter. But if you don't stick to your guns and stay confident in your message, you will not succeed as a speaker.

2. ... continually keep practicing, learning and growing in order to build skills and confidence

Imagine a tattoo artist saying, "I'm scared to make a mistake, so I'm going to avoid tattooing as much as possible." It's ridiculous, right? But inexperienced speakers frequently avoid speaking out of fear of the unknown.

A tattoo artist knows that the way to overcome weaknesses and build on strengths is to get lots of practice. Get lots of experience. Try lots of styles and techniques and tattoo lots of different body parts. How else will she learn to work her way around the curves and angles of shoulders, ankles and ribs? How else will she learn how colors work together, how to make lines thick or thin, and how to shade and highlight a design? And ultimately, how will she know how to advise a client who is not entirely clear on what they want?

And once you learn how to do something -- as a tattoo artist or as a speaker -- you don't stop doing it. You keep doing it so you can stay fresh and up-to-date when you're asked to do it again.

3. ... understand the technology, tools, and equipment associated with tattooing

Tattoo artists are responsible for knowing how their machine, their needles and their inks work. They are responsible for understanding hygienic practices, sterilization, and proper disposal of hazardous waste, and for keeping on hand the equipment and supplies necessary to achieve a safe and clean environment. They need to know how to create and apply stencils from designs, and how to make those stencils fit the body parts they're meant for. And they need to have a system for setting up their station so they're always ready for the next appointment. A tattoo artist will use all the tools at his disposal to do the best work possible.

A speaker also has tools of the trade, whether it's PowerPoint and a projector, or her own method of using notes and a timer. A speaker may use a microphone, a prop, some toys, a video camera, a presentation remote or a noisemaker. The best speakers know how to incorporate the right tools at the right time to make their presentations most effective for the audience. And the best speakers will be open minded and won't shun any tool if it can make their presentation better for a particular audience.

4. ... have faith in her abilities and not let fear hold her back

Ultimately, a tattoo artist is going to embed a design in someone's skin, creating a permanent work of body art. There is no going back once the tattoo has begun, although a client can end a tattoo if they're not happy with it. But whatever has been drawn is there forever. Talk about pressure!

A tattoo artist must trust in her gut that she knows what she's doing, that she's well-prepared, and that she's offering the client a piece of art that's memorable and special -- even though she causes pain in giving it! The tattoo artist must embrace her strengths and abilities, knowing that she's providing the client with exactly what he needs and wants -- and sometimes even an improvement over what the client originally asked for.

I'll leave you with this quote from tattoo artist Justin Holcombe, his answer to the question, "What essential skills are required?"

"The No. 1 thing in tattooing is confidence, because it's permanent. Most people say that would be intimidating to know that that's going to be on someone forever and I don't want to mess it up. That's why you try to get your friends to get tattoos so you can use them as pincushions or guinea pigs and you try to expand your horizons as an artist. Confidence and knowing that if you apply the proper techniques, and this is where the apprenticeship comes in...you should feel confident that it's gonna come out OK."