Address your audience's fears up front

I came across this sentence on an online subscription page: "And of course we’ll also send you 30 emails a day asking you to buy various unrelated things – just kidding!"

I had to laugh. This company is going in the right direction by addressing this issue up front. One thing that would keep me (and many others) from signing up for an e-newsletter or downloadable product is the fear of being bombarded by hundreds of e-mails once I sign up. By approaching this fear with acknowledgement and humor, the company reduces the tension and gets the signup.

There are times when we give a presentation that we know will cause tension. Before we even begin, we know there is resistance, hostility, distraction, disbelief or suspicion in the room. Should we ignore the tension and jump right into our points? Should we pretend the tension doesn't exist and go straight for the upside? Unfortunately, no. Your audience won't be able to pay attention to a word you say if you don't address what's upsetting them right at the beginning.

I have a client who has to give a report at corporate headquarters in a few weeks. The numbers aren't good, but there are promising signs that business is turning around. However, my client knows that if she doesn't address the negatives up front, the executives won't be concentrating on anything she's saying. They want to hear the bad news, discuss the bad news, and THEN move on to the good news. Luckily, there IS good news.

When I used to give presentations in high schools about unhealthy relationships and domestic violence, I knew that some boys in every class would already be resistant and defensive. They expected me to come into their classroom and start "bashing" men. So I started right off asking this question: If we know that the majority of relationship violence is perpetrated by men, does that mean that the majority of men are violent? This brought the issue on everyone's mind right to the forefront. We were able to have a brief discussion acknowledging one truth about abusive relationships at the same time another truth was revealed: that only a small percentage of men are abusive in relationships. This simple opening relieved most of the tension in the room and I was able to continue on with my presentation with a much more open-minded audience.

No matter how bad the news, no matter how uncomfortable the topic, there is an upside. Dig deep enough and you'll find your audience's light at the end of the tunnel.

Get the ugly stuff out of the way first. Make sure you acknowledge their fears and concerns and give the group ample time to discuss what needs to be discussed. Put the negatives out there and then put them to bed. And then -- move forward. Bring your audience forward with you as you focus on the new direction, the solutions to the problem and the future vision.

For more on this topic, check out my previous article "Tough topics, tough audiences."

What's your favorite gag?

I love a good laugh, and I love a good gag. And what I mean by a "good gag," is that it's a humorous routine that's repeated, but it's repeated in a way that it doesn't get stale or overused.

In 2009, the women nominated for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy had a gag. As their names were called, the camera showed each woman wearing some sort of silly glasses. I still remember how hard I laughed as the camera lingered on Kristin Wiig while she raised a monacle to one eye, then slowly added a pipe with her other hand.

This year, nominees for Best Actress in a Comedy had their own gag. As Amy Poehler's name was read as a nominee, she startled everyone by jumping out of her seat and running up on stage. At first, it looked like the gag was that she thought she won. But it got funnier.

She stood to the side of the announcers, shaking out her hands and deep breathing, and they -- with puzzled looks on their faces -- continued reading the nominees' names. One by one, the nominees approached the stage and joined the rest of the women, holding hands like the top ten contestants in a beauty pageant.

When Melissa McCarthy's name was announced as the winner, all the other nominees gathered around, embracing her with genuine support and excitement. When she emerged from the huddle, she was carrying roses and sporting a tiara! The whole bit was planned by Amy Poehler, and although the nominees didn't know exactly what was going to happen, they all joined in wholeheartedly.

Melissa McCarthy said in her speech, "It's my first and best pageant ever!"



(Laura Linney wiping lipstick from her teeth: priceless.)

Another gag that is regularly repeated at the Emmys is the creative way the comedy writing teams are portrayed.

There are typically more than a dozen names read for each show's nominees for Outstanding Writing for a Variety, Music, or Comedy Series, so these bits are prepared and taped beforehand. This year, as Saturday Night Live's names were read, various images of Justin Timberlake were flashed on the screen (appropriate, as he is a recurring guest host). Late Night With Jimmy Fallon's team was represented by cute puppies in human clothes. The Colbert Report had all the writers in a room, and they all shouted out their names at the same time. The Daily Show With Jon Stewart had each writer, in a goofy costume, on a Newsweek magazine cover.

I've come to enjoy and look forward to these surprises. Of course, they're not really surprises any more, except for the creativity of new writers and performers putting their own spin on the gags each year. I anticipated these comedy gags, knowing that someone will do something... but what?

What are some of your favorite repeated gags?

If it matters to you, it can matter to your audience

A client recently told me that part of her problem around creating an engaging presentation about the work she does is that "It's just a job." She will be introducing her company as a sponsor at an industry networking event soon, and she has no real motivation to speak. She has no emotional connection to the work and therefore can't see how to make it exciting for the audience.

We talk a lot in the public speaking world about "What's in it for the audience," but in this case, I think it's critical that my client ask, "What's in it for me?"

As a speaker, we are frequently put in the position of giving presentations we don't care much about. A department report in a staff meeting, a compliance presentation, a discussion of company financials that only 5% of your audience understands: Sometimes we just don't have any enthusiasm for our topic. At the same time, we're told to make our topic engaging and interesting for the audience. What to do?

First, ask yourself, "What's in it for me?"

What DO you love about your job? What makes you want to do the work you do? Where do you find satisfaction? What accomplishments make you feel good about your work?

In the case of my client, she enjoyed knowing that, by training employees how to succeed on a particular kind of test, she was helping them achieve goals to further their careers. By helping these employees succeed on the test, she was also making the industry better for all of us who are consumers of that industry. We talked about how to make that the focus of her speech; if that's what she cares about, let's make the audience care about it, too. And it will be a much more interesting speech than, "Here's what we do... we have x numbers years of experience... we are customer-oriented... hire us."

Deep down inside, we can always find the thing that clicks about a topic. If you want to persuade your audience to do something, whether it's hire you, purchase your product, give to your cause or just tell others about your company, you have to dig down and find that thing. When you find it, it's like gold, because it MATTERS to you. And if it matters to you, you can make it matter to the audience.

For more on finding the emotional appeal in your topic, read:

It's just emotion

There is no such thing as a dry topic

Don't forget the emotional appeal

Don't let the confidence-suckers get you down

At the Emmys last night, there was a similar thread running through several of the winners' speeches.

Jim Parsons, upon winning his award for "Big Bang Theory," said, "I was assured by many people in my life that this wasn't happening."

Julian Fellowes, recipient of the award for Outstanding Writing for a Miniseries, Movie or Dramatic Special, for his series "Downton Abbey," opened his speech:

"When we were in the hotel a bit earlier, my wife said to me, 'I think we should relax and enjoy the evening because I don't think we're going to win.'"

There was at least one other speech that started this way, but I don't remember whose it was. If you know, please remind me.

There are a lot of people in the entertainment industry who are superstitious and won't write speeches when nominated, for fear of "jinxing" their chances. If you watched the Emmys, you saw several of those last night, who then fumbled through their words, forgetting who to acknowledge and generally giving messy speeches.

But there's also another kind of "jinxing." It's when your colleagues, family or friends don't give you the credit you deserve. Every performer, director, writer, musician or other contributor to a TV show who was nominated last night deserved it. Is there any doubt? Out of all the episodes of all the shows and movies on TV, only five or so get chosen as the top nominees in each category. So why would Julian Fellowes' wife and the people surrounding Jim Parsons try to convince them otherwise? I'm sure the thought process goes something like this: "We're up against a lot of good contenders, veteran Emmy winners (and so forth), so why get our hopes up? Let's just have a good time and see what happens."

The truth is, being nervous on the night of the Emmys, for everyone except those who host and perform during the evening, is a bit of a luxury. Nominees aren't required to DO anything but sit in their seat. If they win, there's a short speech to give. So if friends and family have knocked them down a peg, it's not like their performance is going to suffer as it might if they were being asked to put on a show themselves.

But those negative attitudes wear on a person. And the more other people tell you you don't deserve to win, or you won't do a good job, or there are so many others who are better than you, the more you start to believe it. The confidence you do have starts to trickle away. You begin to doubt yourself.

Most of us won't win awards for our speaking. We are in the trenches, aiming to persuade colleagues and coworkers, trying to sell products, promoting a cause, teaching students, or giving important information someone needs to do a job or improve their life. We are not hoping for or expecting prizes for what we do.

The prize is being asked back, getting the promotion, acquiring the client, or on a more mundane level, just knowing we did a good job and that someone's life or work is going to be a touch better because of what we said.

The last thing we need is someone telling us we're not good enough and we won't succeed.

Don't be the person who plays this role in others' lives. Be supportive. Give feedback that's helpful and constructive, but not discouraging or mean. Tell your friends and family members they can do it, whatever "it" may be.

And don't listen to these people in your life! Don't let them drain you of your enthusiasm. Don't let them suck out your self-confidence. They may tell you they "only want to help," but they are not helping. They are making themselves feel better by making you feel bad. They are preying on your confidence and positive energy because they don't have any.

To Jim Parsons and Julian Fellowes, and anyone else last night who doubted their win: You deserve it! And to my readers who doubt their abilities every day: You can do it!

Is lack of attention costing you business?

I've heard (and made) this complaint a lot lately: People don't listen. People don't read. People don't pay attention to detail. Laura Bergells wrote a post about non-responsive answers yesterday, and my husband is constantly lamenting the food manufacturers showing up at his workplace who can't follow the simplest of instructions for becoming a vendor.

Here's an example from Laura:

"What's a non-responsive answer? It's when you ask a direct question, but receive an answer to a question you didn't ask.

Q: 'Do you sell Brand X?'
A: 'We recently changed suppliers.'

Q: 'How's Thursday at 3pm for our meeting?'
A: 'I'm in the office all day on Thursday.'

Q: 'What do you say we go to X Restaurant for lunch at noon today?'
A: 'I went there for lunch last month.'

While conversations can be valuable relationship builders, these types of answers lead to annoying and pointless conversations. They're relationship destroyers, not relationship builders."

Here's an example from my husband about a vendor hopeful:

"How's this for a presentation? [Vendor prospect] emailed the general webmaster about a month ago to ask what the procedure was to carry new products. I asked her to send a wholesale product/price list and some information on the company.

This is what she sent [a month later]. The company information is clearly scanned in. Below that she says, 'Here is the product list we talked about earlier this week.'

Then, 'Please feel free to contact me with any questions. We can schedule to have me bring samples by sometime next week.'

They only list the suggested retail, no wholesale prices, and their tagline at the bottom has a misspelled word in it. They could benefit from a broker." (Here's another of his recent stories.)

[Update: When he finally received the wholesale price list, the wholesale prices were higher than the retail prices sent earlier.]

Here's an example from my inbox: I ask a client who wants to meet for coaching to send me their availability. We have three conversations back and forth before I get this information, even after sending them my availability to trigger a response. Meanwhile, a week goes by and their speaking engagement is a week closer.

People of the world, I know you're busy. In fact, you pound it into my head every time I say "How are you?" Your response: "Oh, I'm so busy, it's ridiculous." (See this post about "busyness" being carried around like a badge of honor.)

But busyness is never an excuse for poor communication.

Communication isn't just telling or talking or presenting or giving information. Communication also involves listening, interpreting, and written expression, among other things. It's hearing what the other person says and making sure you understand by asking clarifying questions. It's checking for typos in your proposals and invoices. It's using appropriate visuals and graphics to emphasize and enhance your message. You are responsible for all of these aspects of communication when working with others in the business world. At least if you want to move forward, make progress and be successful.

I love this response to the question of the month in Real Simple magazine: "What is one lesson you learned in school that you'll never forget?"

"One morning during fourth grade, my teacher handed out a list of questions and told us to read through them before answering. I went to work without reading the whole list. Minutes later, when I was only halfway done, she asked us to put our pencils down. It turned out the last 'question' actually read, 'Do not answer any of these questions.' Ever since, I've always read the instructions before beginning a project. It has helped me avoid countless missteps." ~ Jeannette Gosnell

We've all been the in position of getting halfway through a recipe or putting together a piece of furniture only to find we are missing an ingredient or tool that we need to complete the project. The consequences may not be major, but are definitely frustrating. And we'll never get back the time we wasted because of our inattention to detail.

If you're a speaker trying to spread the word about your cause, your service, or your product, only half-reading e-mails or half-listening to instructions is going to cause you problems. Maybe you'll show up late, wearing the wrong clothes, with the wrong presentation for the wrong audience!

Or maybe the consequences won't immediately be quite that dramatic. But after a while, your contacts are not going to want to work with you any more. When it takes five e-mails to accomplish what one could do, or five phone conversations to get what they want from you, you have become difficult. Organizers will stop calling. They will stop inviting you to speak. When you can't communicate effectively with potential clients, they will stop working with you -- or not work with you in the first place.

Take the time to read the e-mail, two or three times if necessary. Take notes when you're on the phone with that potential client. Make sure you're really hearing and understanding what's being asked of you. Then respond to the questions clearly, concisely and with no ambiguity.

It's not that hard, and you're not that busy. And believe me -- you will stand out from the rest of the sloppy communicators trying to get the same gig as you.

Public speaking vs. facial: Which do you prefer?

Yesterday, I had a spa day with hubby, to belatedly celebrate our 22nd anniversary. I had chosen to have a facial while he was having a massage, because the other services I wanted were already taken by the time I booked our visit.

The thought of someone putting their hands in my face had always seemed pretty unpleasant to me. From past experience with my bratty little brother and an annoying boyfriend, anyone's hands near my face made me feel like I couldn't breathe, like I would suffocate. So I always assumed I wouldn't like a facial.

When my skin care technician(?) came out to get me in the waiting area, she commented that she always waits until the other therapists and technicians have gathered their clients, because her voice doesn't project and she can't be heard above all the others calling out names. I joked that, as a public speaking coach, perhaps I could help her with that!

I told her of my concerns about having my face touched, and she was very understanding; apparently, I'm not the only one who gets claustrophobic in steam rooms, either. I also mentioned feeling vulnerable in the locker room, realizing I had to leave all my belongings behind. The robes don't even have pockets, because so many clients would leave valuables in them by accident. To leave my clothes, shoes, jewelry, money, identification, and lip balm(!) in the locker room, and wander upstairs into the mysterious world of facials made me feel a little anxious.

She said, "Just like how I feel about public speaking!"

I laughed at the idea that what we were really talking about was the great unknown.

For someone who's an inexperienced speaker, not knowing what's going to happen and not feeling in control is extremely anxiety-producing. How will the audience react? Will I lose my place? What if I go over? Feeling vulnerable and naked in front of an audience is a commonly described experience for new speakers.

For me, a facial newbie who fears suffocating in a clay mask, it's the exact same feeling! Lack of control, not knowing what might happen, feeling vulnerable in nothing but a robe, without my belongings.

I'm happy to report that I enjoyed the facial, no longer mysterious and scary, and will probably have another one some day, if the occasion arises.

I hope that my skin care technician is someday able face her fear of the unknown as well.

Lecture vs. presentation

I have a friend who recently presented a lecture at a conference. She's in a creative field where you would least expect to hear the word "lecture" come out of her mouth, yet that's what her presentation was called. A lecture.

I avoid this word, if at all possible, because I feel that it has negative connotations, and not just as a style of presenting.

I rarely do this in a blog post or presentation (it's a real amateur move to start a presentation with a dictionary definition), but in order to make my point, I looked up the word "lecture." There are two meanings of "lecture." One is about presenting: "a discourse given before an audience or class especially for instruction" or "a speech read or delivered before an audience or class, especially for instruction or to set forth some subject." The other is about reprimand: "a speech of warning or reproof as to conduct; a long, tedious reprimand" or "a formal reproof." The thesaurus shows everything from "address," "deliver" and "expound," to "harangue," "berate" and "preach."

Most of us have experienced both kinds of lectures, but the kind that sticks with me is the kind I got from my parents when I came home late or forgot to do my chores. That's the version of "lecture" that reverberates when I hear the word. When I think of the word "lecture," I literally think, "Don't lecture me."

A lecture really does combine the aspects of both a presentation and of a reprimand or reproof -- especially the tedious part. (A lecture and a lectern are just made for each other, by the way.) A lecture is a one-way spiel that doesn't invite audience interaction, assumes the speaker is the keeper of all the knowledge, and puts the speaker above the listeners. Just like when you got busted for not putting gas in the car, causing your dad to be late to work the next day.

Now, I understand that this is common terminology in academia: When you go to class, your professor doesn't give a presentation; your professor gives a lecture. And I would like to think that not all lectures meet the criteria of "long and tedious." But really, when you think of a lecture, do you think of audience involvement? Do you think of humor, good visuals, demonstrations, props, activities, dialogue and engagement? Me neither.

Lecture: I'd like to ban both the word and the act from the speaking world. Let's move away from lecture and toward presentation. Away from "expounding" and toward "conversing." Away from "holding forth" and toward "connecting."

Even as the province of angry parents trying to teach their teens a lesson, it rarely works.

Fall presentations are on your calendar... are you ready?

It's fall, one of the two times during the year, along with January, when many of us think about starting fresh. We've taken some downtime, we've revived our spirits, and we're ready to jump back into work.

Many of you will have speaking engagements this fall and winter. They're already on your calendar, in fact. But have you started working on your presentation? Have you even thought about your presentation? I'm guessing "no."

Get the jump on your fall speaking engagements. Get out in front of your fear and anxiety NOW, with thorough preparation and no surprises.

If you're in the Santa Barbara area, my six-week public speaking group coaching program starts September 28. It's a great opportunity to explore your public speaking questions and concerns in a safe, encouraging environment. The group takes six people, max. You also get several chances to practice mini-presentations and see yourself on video. "Get to...?" you ask. Yes, because watching yourself on video is one of the best ways to see what's working and what's not working in your presentations! Sign up now, because group size is limited.

In or out of the Santa Barbara area, I offer individual coaching in person or over the phone. I can help you create that presentation from scratch, build your PowerPoint that goes with it, or revise material you already have. Whether you're delivering a 5-minute intro at a luncheon or an all-day in-depth training, I can help you put together a presentation that's engaging and memorable for your audience.

In the works and planned to launch this fall, I've got an online group coaching program, modeled after my in-person program, but available to anyone -- anywhere! This program will incorporate video, discussions, live chat, handouts and will be as close as possible to my in-person group coaching program. I will keep you posted as it evolves!

You already have presentations on the calendar. You can avoid thinking about them till the last minute out of anxiety, which will just about guarantee a haphazard and unfinished talk. Or you can start now, get ahead of the game, and offer something special to your audience, something that no one else is offering, something that they need, want and care about. Call or e-mail me, and let's make it happen!

Make your audience feel like rock stars

Have you ever gone to a concert or watched one on TV? Specifically a rock or other popular music concert?

Have you noticed that, at many or most concerts (I don't have a scientific number, but let's just say many), the band holds the microphone out to the audience at some point for them to sing? The audience members are already singing, of course. It's one place where you can sing at the top of your lungs, and still no one hears you!

But when the singer points that microphone at the audience, the volume turns up a notch, and even if half of those 1,000 audience members are singing off-key, you'd never know it. It's a gift the singer gives the audience, and everyone participates. Why?

Audience members wants to be part of the experience.

Audience members want to bond with the performer.

Audience members want to bond with each other.

As a speaker, you have plenty of opportunities, should you choose to use them, to give the audience their moment. It's a simple thing but yields big results. You're not a rock star, and you're not going to invite the audience to sing (or maybe you are), so how do you incorporate the audience into the experience?

1. Ask questions that let audience members share their own experiences as they relate to your topic.

2. Have audience members converse with each other in pairs or small groups to discuss issues and get to know each other.

3. Provide activities and exercises that allow the audience to apply their knowledge to a problem and solve it.

4. Offer unstructured time during breaks or lunch where your participants can chat freely without having to do any "work."

Everyone has a lifetime of knowledge and experience that can enrich your presentation. Audience members want to share, they want to be heard, they want to participate, and they want to learn from each other as well as from the speaker.

Are you going to waste that awesome opportunity to make your presentation that much more interesting and engaging by pretending you're the only one who has something of value to say?

Invite your audience to "sing." Bring them into the experience. Make them feel like rock stars.