12 Speaking Challenges for 2012 launches January 2!

Wouldn't you love to radiate confidence as a speaker?

Whether you're onstage, in a staff meeting, or mingling at a networking event, confidence is often the difference between being heard and remembered, and being forgotten the minute the meeting is over.

How do you build confidence? Through baby steps. Through careful planning and preparation, embracing your uniqueness, trusting your gut, trying new things, getting out of your comfort zone, learning from missteps and acknowledging accomplishments.

All of these aspects of confidence will be addressed in my program, "12 Speaking Challenges for 2012!"

Join my Facebook community and follow the monthly challenges through my blog posts and discussions for FREE (Lite program), or go more in depth with a monthly support call, motivational e-mails and downloadable handouts in my Full program.

Whether you speak for your job, your business or your favorite nonprofit organization, building confidence is a must.

And if you're stuck in a rut, doing the same thing over and over, wanting to break out of boring old habits, but feeling anxious and afraid, this is the place for you!

Each month's challenge will tackle a different aspect of speaking, although most will not actually involve any public speaking!

I will offer several levels for each challenge, so that whether you speak regularly or infrequently, you can still participate at your own level each month.

This program is about getting you ready, so when the speaking engagement comes, you'll face it with courage and excitement!

Join my Facebook group here for both Lite and Full versions of the program. Register for the Full program here.

What paralyzes you?

Do you ever feel like you should do something, or want to do something, but you're paralyzed? Something's holding you back, but what is it?

For me, it's overthinking. I have a hard time moving forward when I'm busy trying to get every detail right. For you, it might be overthinking, or fear of failure, or procrastination, or a million other things.

For those of you who feel like you can't make a move without a big kick in the butt, this Todd Rundgren/Utopia song's for you. It's clearly about someone who can't get out of a bad relationship, although he knows he should. But I like it as a kick in the butt. I play it during my workouts to tell my feet, literally, to get me to the end of my walk.

What paralyzes you?



If you're unable to see the video, click here to go to the site.

Here are the lyrics:

Can’t you see, she don’t want you around no more
Can’t you see, that her hand’s pointing at the door
Feet don’t fail me now
How could anyone stay
Anyone could see it’s time to go away
Time to take a powder
Open up your eyes
But it feels like my legs have been paralyzed

Feet don’t fail me now
Begging please don’t make a fool of me
Feet don’t fail me now
Please don’t keep me where I should not be
Feet don’t fail me now
Stop pretending that you’ve gone to sleep
Feet don’t fail me now
Begging please don’t make a fool of me

See your things piled in the hall
Turn around, there’s a new picture on the wall
Feet don’t fail me now
We’re the last ones to know
Anyone could see it’s time for us to go
Time to hit the highway
Nothing left to do
But it feels like my shoes have been crazy glued

And here's a live performance from 1982. There's some dialog; the song starts at 1:33.

Is the barrier real?

On my regular 3-mile walk, I have started cutting through the Earl Warren Showgrounds property near my neighborhood, because it shortens the distance I have to walk along the shoulder of a busy thoroughfare. The showgrounds are home to fairs, festivals, horse shows, cat shows, Christmas tree vendors and any other event that needs a big space and a big parking lot.

Entering the property from Entrance C, I encountered this closed gate.

The first time I walked through the property, I eyed the situation and went under the gate.

It made sense, but it was a little tight, especially with my backpack.

The next time I walked through, I decided to see if I could squeeze through the space between the end of the gate and the fence.

I could get through, but it was still pretty tight. And when I'm on a power walk, I don't want anything to slow me down!

The next time, I eyed the gate again, studying it for clues as to the best way to get past it.

And then I realized that the biggest opening was the one inside the gate.

I bent over, slipped through, and continued on my way.

How did I not see this HUGE opening in the gate? Somehow, even though the gate was just an open triangle of bars, I had looked at the center of it as somehow solid and impassable.

Going around the gate didn't work. Going under the gate didn't work. Going THROUGH the gate was the easiest path! But I never saw it until I had walked that way for days.

Are you imagining barriers that aren't really there?

Do you avoid public speaking because you think you're too boring, you're too shy, you're too disorganized, you're too loud, you're too quiet, you're too "something?" Or not enough of something? And is this a real problem, or are you just imagining it to be?

Sometimes we imagine the audience is judging us or doesn't like us or isn't listening. Is it true, or is your fear and insecurity getting in the way of your connection with the audience?

Maybe the barriers are all in your head. At least entertain the thought.

And then decide how you're going to break down those invisible barriers -- my series on Thought Traps is a good place to start.

Knocking down the barriers opens up new paths and new experiences. Don't let what's in your head stand in the way of your progress in the tangible, concrete world around you.

Do you have a memorable one-liner?

One of my regular networking groups gives several opportunities to practice speaking each month. We go around the room introducing ourselves, once at the beginning and once at the end, delivering what's called our "30-second commercial." There's also an opportunity each month for three members of the group to deliver longer presentations about their work.

Some of the group members don't bother to take advantage of this amazing opportunity to continually improve their content. They repeat the same information month after month, never bothering to vary their basic storyline. But I'm happy to say that most of the people in the group do make the effort to engage the rest of us with creative descriptions of what they do and how it benefits their clients and customers.

One of the most effective ways to create a memorable ("sticky") idea that remains with your audience long after the presentation is to come up with a clever one-liner or sentence that resonates with the audience. It can be a tagline, a motto, a slogan, or it can just be a creative way of stating a concept that people will remember. Here are a few I've heard from our group members recently.

Ellen (who I've mentioned before, here and here) is one of my former group coaching clients. She sells healthy household products. In her recent presentation, describing why she believes so strongly in her products, she stated, "I want to live until I die." She meant that she didn't want to live a long life but be incapacitated. She wanted to be living an active lifestyle till the end. Succinct and powerful.

In the same presentation, she told us, "Good health is an investment, not a purchase." I thought this was such a standout line that I considered stealing it and tweaking it for my business!

Stephanie, an optometrist (who I've written about here and here), gave us this clever and profound reminder to get our eyes checked in her recent commercial: "When your world is in focus, you can connect with it better."

And then there was Russell, a painter, whose deadpan delivery I always enjoy. Here's a simply stated and humorous line of his that became an instant classic: "I put all the paint where it's supposed to be and none of it where it shouldn't be." He reminds me of my favorite uncle, who always had a clever expression to crack me up.

It's not easy to come up with a brilliant and memorable one-liner. But when you've got a good one, that one sentence can be the difference between your audience walking away with only a vague memory of your topic and your audience sharing your message with everyone they know!

Do you have a catchy or pithy one-liner that has been successful for you?

Another tip for reading from a script

My "Our Town" script from 8th grade

I wrote last year that speaking from a script doesn't have to sound scripted, and I gave some tips on how to sound more natural.

Then yesterday I was on a webinar where the speaker was clearly reading from a script, and I realized that I had left out something very important from that original blog post.

The speaker, being on a webinar, hidden behind telephone lines and PowerPoint slides, knew that no one could see her. And if no one can see you, then it must not matter that you're reading from a script, right?

Wrong.

The only people who are really good at reading from scripts are actors. Generally, an actor can pick up a script on the first read-through and sound 100 times better than the rest of us. Then they proceed to rehearse and memorize until those lines sound extemporaneous and unscripted.

You, most likely, are not a trained actor. If you read directly from a script, you are going to sound like a robot. And this is just how the speaker sounded yesterday, monotonous, boring and flat. She didn't even sound like she was trying to speak naturally.

Had she read through her script even a couple of times, out loud, it might have made a huge difference. Reading aloud helps you to develop a flow and smoothness to your lines. Reading from a script successfully actually means visually skimming ahead of what you are currently saying, so you can seamlessly blend your words together into cohesive, expressive and articulate sentences, with pauses and inflections in the appropriate places. It is a skill that one needs to learn and practice.

And there it is, the fourth tip I should have added to the original blog post: Practice.

I don't care if you are on a webinar, a radio show or a conference call. Just because people can't see you doesn't mean you get to slide on preparation.

You may be one of the rare few who can pick up a script and make it sound like you're speaking off the top of your head the first time you read it. But if you aren't one of the rare few, you better rehearse, out loud, several times. You will hear a noticeable difference in the flow of your words. You might even fool your audience into thinking you're being spontaneous!

Read my original post here:

Speaking from a script doesn't have to sound scripted

Are you a speaker or an impressionist?

I've had several clients come to me with an "idol" in mind as an example of the kind of speaker they wanted to be. One person flat-out told me he wanted to be like Tony Robbins. Sorry. Not gonna happen.

Another had a more subtle approach. He sent me a video of a president whose speaking style he admires, so I could see one of his role models in action. When we started working together and I gave him some material to read, his tone was a little flat, so I suggested some ways he might add color to his voice. His suggestion was to practice a cadence he's heard this particular president use.

As an experiment in vocal variety, there's nothing wrong with this. And in general, it's okay to have role models when you're starting out as a speaker. Having goals to strive for helps in the learning process; if you don't know what you want to achieve, it's kind of hard to get there.

However, when you decide to model yourself so specifically after a particular speaker, to the point of mimicking speech patterns and cadences, then you're going off track.

Each of us has ways of speaking and expressing ourselves that are unique only to us. When an actor convincingly plays JFK in a movie or a comedian perfectly nails a celebrity's character on Saturday Night Live, it's not just because of good makeup and wigs. It's because the actors have identified and are copying those distinctive speech patterns that make the person recognizable.

The only person who should ever try to duplicate another's speech cadences is an impressionist. It's perfectly all right for Rich Little or Dana Carvey to sound exactly like someone else; it's their job to mimic famous people.

So play with your speech patterns. Go ahead and stretch yourself and see how it feels to slow down certain words, speed up others, vary your volume, adjust your pauses, shrink and expand your vowels, mess around with inflection. These techniques can certainly help you add color and interest to your voice.

Just remember: You are who you are, and there's nothing wrong with that. No one else speaks exactly like you, and that's what makes you special and unique as a speaker. Once you start mimicking the patterns of other speakers, you lose your individuality, and you sound like a copycat! You'll get more respect by being yourself.

A public speaking lesson from NORAD

Have you heard of NORAD? North American Aerospace Defense Command "is a United States and Canada bi-national organization charged with the missions of aerospace warning and aerospace control for North America. Aerospace warning includes the monitoring of man-made objects in space, and the detection, validation, and warning of attack against North America whether by aircraft, missiles, or space vehicles, through mutual support arrangements with other commands.

Aerospace control includes ensuring air sovereignty and air defense of the airspace of Canada and the United States. The renewal of the NORAD Agreement in May 2006 added a maritime warning mission, which entails a shared awareness and understanding of the activities conducted in U.S. and Canadian maritime approaches, maritime areas and internal waterways."

Sounds pretty serious, huh? NORAD defends the airspace of North America, monitoring "a worldwide system of sensors designed to provide the commander and the leadership of Canada and the U.S. with an accurate picture of any aerospace or maritime threat."

Guess what else NORAD monitors: Santa Claus.

Starting December 1st each year, the military organization's NORAD Tracks Santa site goes live, counting down the days until Christmas Eve, and then showing Santa's flight around the world (this year also incorporating Google Earth). Santa trackers can speak to a live operator to inquire about Santa’s whereabouts, can watch video on the site, and can even use apps on their smart phones to make sure they don't miss a moment of Santa's journey. At Countdown Village on the site, Santa trackers can watch Santa's helpers prepare for Christmas at the North Pole.

Now, let me ask you this: If an organization as "important" and "serious" as NORAD can put up a Santa tracking website, can't you have a little fun in your presentations? If putting up a Santa tracking site doesn't ruin NORAD's reputation or credibility, how can having some fun with an audience ruin yours?

Stop taking yourself so seriously. Lighten up. Be a breath of fresh air for your audience, rather than a rigid, humorless, windbag presenter who promotes his own superiority and importance at the expense of his audience's enjoyment and engagement.

NORAD makes me smile. Now go make your audience smile!

The Christmas music made me do it...

On Saturday night, I was sitting in my living room lit by candles and Christmas tree lights, snuggled in a blankie and enjoying a book and some wintry tunes on Pandora while my husband participated in poker night with some friends.

Feeling warm, content and full of the holiday spirit, I thought to myself, "I should offer a holiday special!"

The way my coaching program begins is with an Introductory Package of three sessions, and then if a client wants to continue coaching, they have to buy additional single sessions.

But just for this month, I decided to include that fourth session in the Introductory Package!

In order to take advantage of this great deal, you don't have to USE all four sessions by the end of the year, but you do have to buy my package by December 31st!

And you don't even have to be in Santa Barbara -- did you know I do most of my coaching over the phone and by Skype? I also travel within about a two-hour radius for clients in the Los Angeles area and as far north as San Luis Obispo.

Get a jump on your 2012 presentation prep (or give the gift of gab to a loved one), and grab this great opportunity before December is behind us!

Happy holidays!

Relating to the audience, TEDxWomen-style

How often do you get to hear one amazing woman after another speak on critical issues that affect us every day as individuals and as a global community? Not often enough.

But yesterday's TEDxWomen brought 30+ women and men, in New York and Los Angeles, together through the magic of the Web. Joining them were more than 100 simultaneous TEDx events around the world showing the live stream as well as introducing local speakers. I attended the closest local event, TEDxOjaiWomen.

There were a couple of common threads that tied many of these presentations together and made them compelling and powerful, and I don't mean topic-wise. The style of the presentations was overwhelmingly personal, and I want to talk about why this made them so effective.

1. Emotion

Many speakers are afraid of emotion. Any emotion. Emotion that's too real, too raw, or too personal has no place in public speaking for many people.

But the only way you will connect with your audience is through emotion. Not facts. Not statistics. Those are interesting and will flesh out the details of whatever point you're trying to make. But if the audience doesn't CARE about what you're saying, you've failed. And people don't CARE unless you stimulate them emotionally.

Jennifer Siebel Newsom, who made the documentary MissRepresentation, teared up while talking about the different treatment her son and daughter received from friends and politicians when they were born. Tan Le, technology entrepreneur, held back tears as she told the story of her family's dramatic emigration to Australia when she was a child. Matt Petersen, of Global Green USA, choked up when he talked about women he met in the Congo who were still able to dance joyfully, even after surviving multiple rapes. And Jane Fonda not only got teary-eyed, but sniffled, as she introduced Gloria Steinem, someone who is clearly a hero to her.

Besides the tears, there were many speakers who engaged me through humor, through intensity, through aha! moments. My emotional engagement allowed me to take in and absorb more deeply the speakers' messages.

2. Storytelling

If there was a common tool used by most of the speakers yesterday (especially our local ones), it was storytelling. I've never heard so many personal stories from a group of speakers. I don't know if it's because most of the speakers were women, and personal stories are a shortcut to building connection and helping the audience relate to the similarities in our lives. I don't want to overanalyze it, but the stories made for a constant stream of fascinating speakers.

Alana Sheeren shared how she learned to grieve, stay present with grief, and help others who are grieving, through stories of painful loss.

Poet akka b told us of "coming out" as a poet, and how strange it was to call herself that once she gave herself permission.

Writer and editor Suzanne Braun Levine described her experiences jumping off a 90-foot cliff as a celebration of turning 50, and gathering the courage to say "NO" when informed by her Outward Bound guide that she was expected to climb back up the way she came down.

Communicatrix Colleen Wainwright asked us "Are you sure it's impossible?" as she took us through the harrowing and "impossible" process of raising $50,000 in the 50 days leading up to her 50th birthday (yes, she raised the money, and more -- and has the shorn head to prove it).

Dyana Valentine, self-proclaimed instigator, made her entire presentation about the incident and epiphany that brought her to be speaking on the TEDxOjaiWomen stage.

Why do we like stories so much? Here's one reason: "Stories help us to keep tabs on what is happening in our communities. The safe, imaginary world of a story may be a kind of training ground, where we can practice interacting with others and learn the customs and rules of society. And stories have a unique power to persuade and motivate, because they appeal to our emotions and capacity for empathy." (Read the rest of that blog post here.)

Stories help audiences relate to a speaker. Stories (and analogies) take concepts that may be unfamiliar and translate them into real-life examples that anyone can understand. Stories paint mental pictures of things your audience can't see in person. Stories bond us together in a common experience.

3. Authenticity

I'm not sure I've ever come across such a large group of speakers who radiated such confidence and realness. There wasn't a single person throughout the entire day who appeared stagey, fake or overly rehearsed. Some lost their place and recovered gracefully, some speakers used notes with no apologies (Barbra Streisand had black notecards... interesting). Not once did I sense a speaker showing off, condescending to the audience, trying too hard to be profound or to impress, forcing enthusiasm, or doing any of a hundred things I've seen bad motivational speakers do.

It was refreshing. I felt that I could sit back, relax, and take it all in without the stress of cringing every five minutes feeling embarrassed for the poor sap who oozes insecurity.

I'm not saying that these speakers weren't nervous on the inside. Or that there weren't a few feeling desperately anxious to be liked. Or that some of them weren't completely faking their confidence. But I'm not a mind reader. I can only guess that these things were going on because I'm a speaker and I know speakers, and these things are happening internally much of the time.

This talented and knowledgeable group of women and men pulled themselves together, decided to just "be," and gave us a day full of insights, laughter, hope, tears, debunked myths, pride, promises, joy, struggle, memories, epiphanies, clarity, reflection, possibilities, passion and love.

If I had one complaint about the day (and I didn't get to see the whole live stream, so it's possible that some of these issues were discussed), it's that I would like to have seen more presentations on what innovations are happening in the fields of rape and domestic violence prevention and gender equity education -- topics that aren't warm and fuzzy or easy to talk about, but are part of our world nevertheless. However, it's not easy to cover, in one day, all the ways girls and women are re-shaping the future.

Well done, TEDxOjaiWomen!