12for12 January Challenge: Make eye contact

Greetings and Happy New Year!

Today is the day we kick off 12 Speaking Challenges for 2012! If you are a Lite member, you can follow along with the discussion on my 12for12 group on Facebook. If you are a Full member, you can participate in the Facebook group and will also have access to a separate membership-only site, a monthly call, supportive e-mails, downloadable handouts and more.

And for the month of January, the Full membership is only $1! Tweet the monthly challenges using hashtag #12speakingchallenges.

Now, for our first challenge: Make Eye Contact.

Each month, there will be several levels to the challenge, so you can tailor the challenge to your own level of comfort. But remember, this is all about getting out of your comfort zone. So if the Level 1 challenge seems difficult, but you accomplish it, then move onto the next level. You have a whole month to practice!

Some of you are looking at this challenge and thinking, "Seriously?" But bear with me.

I roll my eyes when I read a public speaking article that recommends looking at the back wall instead of your audience, to make it appear as though you are giving eye contact to the whole group.

Eye contact is an uncomfortable and extremely intimate aspect of speaking for many people, but it's critical to making the human connection with your audience.

If you're in a large room, you can look at sections of people, but you will eventually need to connect with individuals. The good thing about a large group is that, if you connect with one person, everyone around that person feels part of the connection. In a small room, you have no choice but to look right at people. They can tell if you're avoiding them!

I find that eye contact is more comfortable when I've made friends before the presentation has begun. That is, as people arrive, I say hello, ask a few questions, and get to know the audience members a little.

Once I start my talk, I feel like I already know a few people in the room, and those friendly faces are the ones I seek out first.

It's always easier to make eye contact with the friendly faces than the scowly ones, of course, but don't give up on those folks! They may just have a different way of learning and engaging.

Eye Contact Challenge

Level 1: Make eye contact with a stranger.

As you're walking around town this week, make an effort to look into the eyes of someone you don't know. Staring is creepy, so you only need to look at the person briefly to see that they acknowledge you, then feel free to look away. Smiling adds a friendly touch, and makes eye contact easier.

Those of you who wear sunglasses all the time, like I do, you will have to smile or no one will know you're looking at them.

Some people won't acknowledge you by returning eye contact. No worries. They are probably uncomfortable with eye contact, and also not participating in this challenge. Try the next person.

Level 2: Make eye contact with a stranger -- and make a comment.

The next step of this challenge, for those of you who find eye contact to be very easy, will be to engage with a stranger. The easiest way to engage a stranger is to compliment them on something. "I love your jacket." "Nice car!" "What a cute puppy." It's nonthreatening, and everyone walks away with a smile on their faces.

You don't have to keep up a conversation. Make your comment and smile. They will acknowledge you, and you're done.

Level 3: Make eye contact with a stranger -- and ask a question.

The third level of this challenge is for those of you who find the comment easy enough and want to stretch yourself more. You will engage a stranger by asking a question. You might ask a store clerk where to find the cat toys. You might ask the person next to you at the movies if they have the time. Maybe you extend the compliment you gave someone into a question, like "What a cute puppy. What kind of dog is she?"

To a shy person like myself (yep, I'm shy), asking a question of a stranger can be excruciating. We already know how much some people will drive around in circles for hours rather than ask for directions... Lots of us hate asking for help or trying to get someone's attention, but it's an important step in building confidence!

Asking a question comes with a risk of starting a conversation. You run the risk of getting to know a stranger a little. You might actually learn something about that cashier you see every couple of days at Trader Joe's or the person who exercises at the track at the same time as you every day (These are both experiences I've had. Here's what I wrote about the conversation with the Trader Joe's cashier).

Now, once you've completed your challenge, come over to the 12for12 Facebook group and leave your comments. And remember: You have all month to practice. So when you've completed your challenge, do it again. And again. And again. And when that level becomes comfortable for you, try the next one. And then the next one.

And what if you've done them all and you're resting on your laurels? Maybe you can think of yet another level to add! Maybe you got really brave and touched someone on the arm to get their attention, for example, and that was a stretch for you. If you do get creative, report back at the Facebook group and let us know what you did, so maybe others can try the same thing!

Ready, set, GO!