12for12 February Challenge: Be present

Have you joined my 12 Speaking Challenges for 2012 program yet? Build your "confidence muscles" with monthly challenges designed to help you get out of your comfort zone and build confidence in a variety of settings that will prepare you for your upcoming speaking engagements!


Each month, there will be several levels to the challenge, so you can tailor the challenge to your own level of comfort. But remember, this is all about getting out of your comfort zone. So if the Level 1 challenge seems difficult, but you accomplish it, then move onto the next level. You have a whole month to practice! More info on how to join is at the bottom of the post.

Now, for our second challenge: Be Present.

We live in a world of constant distraction. There used to be a time when we didn't have our phones in our pockets, taunting us with Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, games, blogs and e-mail. There used to be a time when, after a long, hard day at work, we didn't come home and immediately get back on the computer. There used to be a time when kids didn't have several after-school activities every single day and into the evening, requiring scheduling wizardry and a gas tank the size of a refrigerator.

Maybe I'm exaggerating a bit here, but not much. Our lives have gotten busier and busier and our minds seldom rest or focus on one thing for long. This challenge is about focus. It's about giving the gift of attention to another person without the interruption of our own thoughts.

I chose this as our second challenge because, without the ability to focus and be present, you can never fully be with your audience. You can never fully understand them or read them, because your mind is too preoccupied. As presenters, our minds are certainly going a mile a minute. But we need to balance that with our ability to connect with the audience, in real time, as the presentation is happening.

When you can learn how to be in the moment and not distracted by external or internal disruptions, you will feel infinitely more at ease with your audience. This is how confidence muscles are built.

Be Present Challenge

Level 1: Next time you're in a meeting or watching a presentation, give each speaker your full attention.

Meetings, conferences, seminars, presentations... all very easy places to tune out and get into our own little worlds. Instead of making your shopping list or texting your spouse to tell them how bored you are, listen, and hear what speaker is saying.

Maybe your boss talks in an annoying monotone. Maybe your coworker is grammar-challenged. Maybe the workshop presenter has a terrible habit of flipping her hair back and forth. Still... listen. Do your best to pay attention to what he or she is saying. Really hear the message.

If you find yourself getting distracted, don't judge yourself or give up. Just bring your attention back to the speaker.

Think about how much you would enjoy this kind of attention from your audiences, and give this gift to the next speaker whose presentation you participate in.

Level 2: Next time you're in a conversation, listen and hear what the other person is saying

Maybe it's not hard for you to focus on a speaker, even if they're boring or grating. Level 2 is for you. Focus on a single person in conversation.

Don't start listening in on the conversation at the next table. Don't pick up your phone and start checking messages. Don't check out the hot chick that walks by, oh-so-close. Don't look around for someone better to talk to. Make the other person feel special, like they are the only one in the room.

Again, if you find yourself getting distracted, don't judge yourself or give up. Just bring your attention back to the person. Do you really hear what he is saying?

Remember this article on Bill Clinton's "reality distortion field?" If you haven't read it, read it now. Learn from it, and practice these principles when you want to increase the trust and intimacy between you and another person.

Level 3: Listen and hear what's coming out of your own mouth

Personal awareness and an accurate perception of how others see us is the most difficult aspect of being present. We go about our day spewing out our thoughts, using words we don't understand, saying things we don't really mean, and having no clue about how others are perceiving us. This challenge will help.

When you speak, listen to what you're saying and how you're saying it:

Are you articulating your thoughts clearly?
Are you giving appropriate emotional subtext (and congruent body language) to your words?
Are you saying what you really mean?
Do you understand the words you're using? (Seriously. I know several people who don't have a clue what the words mean that they're saying.)
Are you filling empty space with um, uh, like, y'know?
Are you enunciating and pronouncing words properly?
Are you fully expressing yourself?

When you become aware of what's coming out of your mouth, you have more control over it. You can ask for what you want, you can explain your ideas, you can convince and persuade people. You can make them laugh (not at you... with you).

Good communicators appear more confident, even if they don't feel particularly confident. A person who communicates well looks like they have it all together. And -- at least in terms of getting their message and ideas across -- they do!

Click here for the first challenge, Make Eye Contact, and then join the discussion on my Facebook group (you have make a request to join, but it's an open group and everyone is welcome).

If you want to participate in my monthly discussion calls and receive additional resources, handouts and support e-mails, consider joining the Full program.